Don't look back

[cz946]

Thanks for the advice still hopeful.

I have started the process of disengaging, or least I'm trying. So yesterday afternoon, I get a call from XW. I couldn't answer because I was in a meeting. Check the voice mail about an hour later, she says we need to talk about cutting d hair. XW was complaining that I was not brushing d hair right, and there were always snarls in it when she gets her. d5 hair is really long. Also complaining cause I always put it up in a pony. I have news for her, there are always snarls in it when she comes to my house too. She's 5, she plays and doesn't worry about her hair.

I didn't return her call, she called again later about 5:30, I missed the call but called her right back. She ask if I got her message. I said yes, and were not cutting her hair. I explained I was out of the detangle spray, so yes it probably was a little worse that day. But I had also just bought some more that day.
I also told her that I talked to my sister and she gave me some tips. XW didn't like this, she replied you can come to me when its about taking care of my daughter. I calmly replied, that I didn't go to anyone, I was over there and I was telling them about brushing d hair and it gets snarly. I said anyway we are not cutting her hair, everybody loves her long her. XW replied "its not everybodies decision". I said your right! It my decision and yours, and were not cutting it.

I could sense she was a little suprised by this. For the past 8 months I have agreed to anything she suggested. She said OK, we will not cut it then. Ok anything else, she said no, OK, and I ended the call.

About 20 mins later, getting ready to do d homework with her, I noticed her homework folder wasn't in her bag. She gets it on Friday and its due wednesday. So I called XW, she didn't answer, I left message. An hour goes by, so I call her work cell(d5 has to go to bed by 8:30). She answers, I'll call you back I am at dinner with my boss. I say just real quick did you forget to put d homework folder in her bag. She says it wasn't in there when I picked her up. Maybe she left it at school, I'll call you as soon as I leave dinner. I say, OK. I think she was expecting my call to be about something else, maybe cause I was to the point the first time.

She called me back later and we talked briefly about d5 maybe forgetting on purpose to bring homework folder home. I said well, I am going to talk to teacher tomorrow when I drop her off. She says I will call if you want. I reply, no I will talk to her tomorrow. She says I have some questions for her anyway, I can call if you'd like. I will will ask her your questions as well. This is a 180 for me. In the past, I would have relied on XW to do this. I could tell she was surprised again. XW then tries to tell me about her probelm at work and why her and her boss(female) went to dinner. I don't bite and quickly change the subject. I no hear to listen to her problems anymore I am disengaging, I'm not her GF(thanks still hopeful) I then remind her that this Friday is slipper day for d at school. Do you have slippers? XW, "No there at your house." The one I have are to small. I said I will buy her new ones tomorrow and send them with d. Also a 180 for me, agian XW is surprised. I say ok anything else, she say no. Ok good bye!


20 minutes later XW calls again. She ask if she can have the ipod back. I say sure its yours. I still use it everyday when I workout, but I can buy something else. She say, I just joined the GYM again, I have to do something. I so depressed these days!!!! I could tell she was trying to suck me into talking again. I think to myself, we could fix this!!!! I don't bite. I just say, no problem I'll send the ipod with d. She tells me she has a MP3 player she will load up with songs for me and give to me. (I'm thinking, so why to you need the ipod?) I say ok, how much do you want for it. I'll pay you. She tells me she doesn't want any money for it. OK, I send the ipod tomorrow. Is that it? yep. OK. I end the call.

As I sat there, I was overcome with a wave of thoughts and emotions. For the past 8 months, if she said she was depressed, I would have talked to her for as long as she needed. Reassureing her that I will always be there for her, telling her she is a great person, etc... "Being her tampon" as still hopefull puts it. Did I make a mistake, should I call her back, etc..


First thing today, I get an email from XW. D cheerleading starts Feb.. Its Wednesdays from 5:00 – 5:45. I can adjust my schedule if for some reason you can’t get her on time. They said she needs to be there 10 minutes early the first day. I know it’s your day but I plan to go to if you don’t mind because I want to see her do the class.



Maybe she senses, I am disengaging, and she is trying to pull me in? Any thoughts??

Sorry for the long post!!!

One Goal!
CZ