LoveNoMatterWhat's New Thread

[FaithfulH]

It is as if God is using this situation to humble me. I am loving my wife unconditionally and that lately has been painful in the sense that I feel like a martyr. Like when all this is over, I would have given everything and end up with nothing. I truly want my wife to be happy and experience true love - even if that means having me out of the picture. Life is so much of a paradox. I know that the only way for me to have a chance is not focus on my emotional needs but on how I can love my wife without regards to my needs. I feel like I am going to explode right now.

LNMW,

This paragraph you wrote says it all.....you love unconditionally....BUT you have feelings that you may end up like a martyr. It IS a paradox....if we strive to do it in our own strength. In the end...we must lean on Him to fill the gap. This is about being trustworthy in every sense of the word. I remember reading in the book "How You Can Save Your Marriage Alone" that the author (Ed Wheat) said "you will need to be nearly perfect in your actions towards your spouse". Somewhere on these boards I read...for each and every mistake you make, you will need to have many positive interactions (I think the number posted was 10) to overcome the single mistake. Sounds like an impossible task, huh? You are doing it day by day. The tough part about trust is that you can only affect it by your investment of love.

Last night...as I was reflecting on the last 19 month of our life reconciling...2 wonderful Christmas holidays and New Years....I looked at my beautiful wife as she sat reading near our woodstove....and all I could think was God is so Good when we let Him do his work. I used to think that I had to emotionally drum up the angst and pain from our darkest days to make sure that I never fell back into my old ways that were largely responsible for getting us there....but last night I had this strong sense that God was taking away my ability to feel that pain....that His work related to that time in our life was done...that He needed us both to move beyond it. How does this relate to you? Well, I see your R from afar as better than 90% of marriages in America.....even in the midst of your D. Yeah, there are major things missing.....but, we ALL have that...things we wish we could change if we were God for a day....but, He is smart enough not to give us that control....and, in the end, would you REALLY want a W that came back to the R because of your control or manipulation. Your building up "trust points" every day...the authentic, from-the-bottom-of-your-heart, unconditional ones are the only ones that count. Keep practicing hearing God's voice....when you feel like quitting...or you have thoughts of stopping so that your W can love somebody else....realize that those thoughts did not come from God....unless the words came out of your W's mouth and these are her wishes, they came from the enemy who came to "kill, steal, and destroy" like a thief in the night.

I believe God is smiling on you tonight and I am so happy to be able to join in the moment! Your job is not done (and it may NEVER be) but He is proud of your faithfulness! Your love for your W and D overflows....that only happens when God is the source....keep tapping it, dear Brother!