"The clarity I have is within me, not others' actions or what they mean or feel. Just mine. That has to be enough. Otherwise, I'll spend all my life wondering and pondering and asking, and not living or deciding or choosing. Waiting around for an answer can be a lot like not living."
Better and truer words I have never read. Excellent. everyone has told her about her mistake and her choices, trust me, she will stay miserable to be "right". I do not make her wrong or right, I am neither to her. The plane ride was good, quiet, up in the clouds, my head clear. I wanted to post my thoughts right away and read your words and they were dead on with what I told myself, let it go, man, let it go. If you keep worrying whether or not she'll be back, you'll die young.
It is my responsiblity for my happiness, me and me alone, and I am believe it or not. But she created a pain, damge unlike anything I have ever felt. She opened wounds I did not know I had, will they heal, sure they'll heal. I know this. She doesn't admit her stubborness, she doesn't see it as stubborn, she sees it as right.
And yes i am aware i am stuck int he same three questions, over and over and over and etc...
again part of my listening to myself. I will detach from her, let her go and like I told Amy, begin to let it go like it will never be back. It hurts to think that, but I need to get over this and understand the nevitable, there is no coming back. There is realizing what you want and going after it and there is walking away from it because you didn't believe it to begin with. this is where I am. Stuck on a very thin line of knowing I loved her more, and does she love me enough. I did everything for her and was proud of my wife, she cannot say the same of me and has told everyone how miserable and unhappy she has been for 2-4 years, apparently the standard time frame for MLCers when they bounce and drop the I love you but not in love with you line of rhetoric.
I am not miserable, except when I think of her, there are no happy thoughts in my head about her bercasue I will not recall the past, it hurts. I know what I knw, she was in love with me 10 day sbefore but that was an obvious lie. i ghad a therapist read an email she sent me, he said she meant it, I deleted it and threw the hard copy away, it was a lie.
I will not get signs from her or Him about my "reconcilitation" or my "life desires" or any other crap floating through my head. The only sign i ahve right now is "WALK". I cannot look back. In the image I physically can't turn my head, because he doesn't want me to . I am taking that as a sign. I know I won't last as long as most of the people on here have, God bless their strength. I will not be where she is. Her mother is coming up next week and I have made an appointment to visit with erh without her daughter present. My D29 told my W this and she said why can't we all sit together, he did it on xmas and we got along so well. she told her, he didn't do it for you, he did it for us. He didn't even want to come because you were going to be there. Again she asks, what's his problem? and again she is told you cheated on dad and are sleeping with another man.
she doesn't see it as an issue. But I have the "problem". I am happy most of the time, I find myself rehashing the same BS about what happened, the cycles of MLSC, the blah blah blah about the blah blah blah...
I don't know anything about what I have read, I do not understand or comprehend what I have read. all I know is I do the DB'ng and all I am getting is frustrated. My own version will be best it is the LRT LRT. I will keep to my goals of the new year, of which reconciliation is not listed. I will make my life all that it can be. Once I get to that point, I will answer the question. I pretty much know the answer, but haste is not in this equation.
I have said it before through frustration but I am beginning to belive now that it is not just wanting to be miserable, she is this person. She is unfeeling to me, no desire to me, no desire to see what she has done. she has done nothing wriong, ask her friends, she tells them all the time.
It is like believing a mass murder feels bad after he kills. No he doesn't.
No, she is going to be that low percentage of people who slip into MLC WAS ALIEN and stay there for the rest of their lives, and almost all become bitter miserable peope if the books are to be believed.
I have nothing that tells me different, there are no signs, there is nothing but the purest feeling of joy she seems tohave in her life. Do I believe it, no. do I think she is happy? No. Do I really care, I did and hoped it would turn around. with each layer of hope, I got slapped 10 fold.
No, you are right, I am making myself miserable and it ends now. I will make my demands for the car ins money on Friday, regardless of her finacial woes. If she ain't got it, then she is cancelled February 1st. I have to talk to my agent Friday anyway. So once wshe gets her car back, she will need to get her own insurance, pay the downpayment and get it set before February 1. If I cancel it and she doesnt' she will need to register her car and start the process all over again, by herself.
Again, I didn't put her there, but I will not enable this any longer. My walk must be taken, I can't get off the rock to start. He is waiting on me to get up and gt moving so we can walk and Talk about what it is i need to do and where I need to go. Noice all the "I" s in this. Again, He is not looking to give me reconciliation, He is looking to get me through it so I get over it.
"Also, her statement that she'll stay with OM to "prove everyone wrong" is both hilarious, and sad. I mean, guess she'll show "them"! Brilliant choice. Be miserable with the wrong guy, so that ..... what?? She'll be....."right" ???? Begs the question of Who is trying to make her "Wrong"?"
eveyone has the same feeling about her choises. whos is makingher wrong, well that would be her...She has to live with this mess. a realtionship with someone that is doomed to fail. A realtionship that from all accounts needs to be slavaged so that she can find her happiness will be gone. Oh yeah, she is still waist deep in her justifications and trying to "bring" him around to the circle of friends. Oh, by the way, she has tried so hard in some cases she has locked hersel;f out of some circles.
Nope, couldn't agree with you asseesment of me more. You and Amy and Tgone and Dd were dead on, so was FH. But I need to get out of Dodge as it were. I will no longer see the probability in us ever getting back together because it clouds my mind and fillsit with such high doses of BS, that the slightest things set me off. so we start the walk again, but htis timeI am listening and not talking, I am not taking action I am following directions. Its sad and it hurts. But the reality is there, if I chose to wait, I will die inside everyday that I do.
