Maybe I should be in piecing part 5?

[Hope4us]

WDID. Thanks again for the post. I guess I mis-read your comment. It made me think you were advocating an ultimatum.

The last time I asked her to read books and get rid of her affair stuff was in late November. I asked her about Retro in Sept and prior to that in July. If she is truly NC since April, wouldn't you think that by 10 months later she'd at least know if she wants to try or not? Maybe she does want to try, and is trying, but doesn't want to specifically say that to me because she doesn't want to give me ANY kind of commitment.

I'll have to think about the R talk. She has said to me she doesn't want to talk about it and I've told her I wouldn't pressure her to do that until she was ready, but that I wasn't going to wait forever. So I will have to think about it. If I've made the commmitment to her that I won't push it until she's ready, how do I go back on that commitment?

Its funny you would say it's hard for guys to have serious talks. That's never been my problem, but it is for her. In fact, many, many times in our marriage W would say to me in a moment of weakness, "I know you don't think I love you, but I do". She rarely would tell me she loved me without me saying it first. But about once every six months or so, she'd let her guard down and express how she truly felt. I realize now that that caused some of our problems in our marriage because I am very expressive of my feelings and she isn't and I felt shorted in that. So for me, the only time I felt the emotional closeness with her is when we were intimate. It was the only time I could really count on her expressing how she felt with me. So if she would reject me, it bothered me more than it should have because that was when she would give me what I need. So yeah, I guess what everyone here says is true, but just reversed for us. My W expressed her feelings for me through sex where I expressed my feelings for her through words/gifts/acts of service.

So that's what I'm up against. W would rarely let herself express to me how she felt for me. And now she really has this demon to fight. I don't know if it's because of the things that have happened to her in her life that makes her put up this wall to protect herself from getting hurt by the people who really love her or what.

Getting back to the sitch at hand. Like I said, W didn't call me last night. I called her after I got out of work tonight and she didn't answer. She TM'd me back a bit later and said she didn't get the call because she was taking S16 to get his hair cut and there are quite a few dead cell zones on the way (which is true). She asked me (TM) why I wasn't out tonight, so I can tell that had some affect on her that I was out with friends having a good time. I told her if she wanted to call when she was done, I would love to talk to her.

She called me a bit ago and I told her I was surprised she didn't call me last night after I'd told S16 to tell her if she wanted to talk I was sitting in my room. She replied she was busy taking down Chrismas decorations and finishing up some work she needed to do for today and it got late and she just didn't call. If I didn't know better, I'd swear she was DB'ing me. It was a nice conversation but she kind of ended it early as she said she hadn't eaten yet and was hungry. That is probably true as S16's haircut was soon after she'd got off work and I'm sure she didn't eat before taking him, but again, you'd swear she was DB'ing me by ending the call first.

Wouldn't that be ironic? W DB'ing me? Maybe I should check out the WAW board and see if she's there!

Thanks again WDID. You too Sandi. WDID is correct. I do listen to you guys, even if it's hard for me to hear. Interesting thing at work today. I'm in an interpersonal communications class and we discussed the different types of personalities and how you have to deal with them when you're in supervision. W and I have taken these personality tests before and today just reminded me that even though W accuses me of having a controlling personality, she's the one that scores solidly in the controlling category. And this whole mess has confirmed that for me. Guess I'll have to use what I've learned in adjusting how I deal with W.

Lots to think about. Talk to ya later.