Maybe I should be in piecing part 5?

[Hope4us]

I'm glad I waited to respond Sandi, because what I wrote this morning before heading to my class wasn't very nice. But I've edited quite a bit and will leave it at this in response.

MY S16 KNEW HIS MOTHER WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR MONTHS AND MONTHS BEFORE I TOLD HIM. Since I told him the truth, which he THANKED me for doing, his grades have gone from a 2.3 gpa to a 3.4 gpa. He was a 3.5 gpa prior to her beginning her affair. When a mother says to their 16 year old son, I'm going away AGAIN this weekend and S16 asks "where are you going"? and his mother says "to spend the weekend with a friend". How do you think that made him feel? And when S16 asks his mother who her boyfriend is and she looks him dead in the eye and LIES to him, how do you think that made him feel? So yes, I told the boys. But they ALREADY knew. This wasn’t like I discovered the affair and W ended it and then at some point I told the kids to be vindictive. Quite the contrary. I didn’t tell the kids until over 7 months after I figured it out. And if my marriage ends because my kids know the truth, so be it. I can live with that. But when she continued to lie and lie about it being over all the while trying to arrange meetings with him, I then told them the truth that THEY ALREADY KNEW.

See Sandi, I didn't tell them for over 7 months because I was trying to work it out with her WITHOUT the kids knowing. But she continued and continued to lie about it being over, so I was going to file for divorce. And if, at the time, I'd have filed for divorce, W would have been heading to the courthouse with OM as soon as the ink was dry on the D papers (hers and his both). And in my sitch OM is an alcoholic, serial cheating, abusive POS. He drinks every day. He's had 4 affairs that his wife knows about and since they live 1000 miles apart, there's probably twice that many she doesn't know about. 2 out of 3 of his kids HATE him because he verbally abuses them and he verbally abuses his W and has pushed her around and punched the wall next to her head two times in the past.

So, ya know what? If my marriage ends, I can live with that. But my kids were going to know the truth about the POS. There was no way I would allow my kids to be exposed to OM without them knowing the truth. How many times have we read on this board where a wayward spouse tries to normalize their relationship with an OP by introducing them to the kids? My W wanted to marry OM and live happily ever after with MY kids part of that. You are a mother. Would you do anything to protect your kids? I’m sure you would. That’s what I was doing. Protecting my kids from an alcoholic, serial cheatin, abusive POS. And I’d do it again in a minute.

Do I realize that has caused problems in my W and I possibly piecing our marriage back together? Yes. But I also know, without the kids knowing, we’d NEVER even be close to where we are, because I was going to see a lawyer to file for divorce when I told the kids. So if me telling them gives our marriage a chance, it’s better than the alternative. I’ve repeatedly told my boys that their mother isn’t a bad person, she just got caught up in something that was wrong. I’ve used this as a learning tool for my boys in relationships and what’s acceptable and what isn’t.

As to the show, I see it a little different than you. W actually smiled, laughed and said "yeah" when S16 made his comment. I actually saw it as a good thing, not something bad like you seem to think. I really don’t think W equates that show with her sitch at all. W even makes comments about other people having affairs and how bad it is and she just can’t believe people would do that, but it’s different for her. How screwed up is that?

Ok, I hope you know I value your responses completely. You give me insight into my W (along with WDID) that are invaluable to me in trying to understand what she's thinking and going through.

Thanks for the post. Keep em comin.