out of clever titles

[hoosiermama]

Ummmm--I don't know. I don't even want to think about it at this point--but it certainly feels good to have someone refer to me as "wonderful."

Vulnerability seems terrifying, however.

He lives 800 miles away--so I can't get into too much trouble at this point!

[Dawn of Hope]

He lives 800 miles away--so I can't get into too much trouble at this point!

Uh, Hooz, don't want to burst your bubble there, but my H and OW live 5 hours apart and still manage to see each other at least every 2 weeks (maybe more often now that he has moved out of our house)...guess it just depends on how determined you are to make it work?

Peace,
Dawn

[hoosiermama]

I don't know what "it" is that we'd be making work. But I'd like to find out. Very, very slowly.

It is fun feeling like a teenager, tho. And without any acne!

[NNP1965]

Those reconnections can be very nice. Be careful, but enjoy what you can.

Nothing wrong with feeling like a teenager for a little while.

[hoosiermama]

thanks. it is a dangerous thing emotionally, and scary. but we're both grownups. and it's very affirming to know that someone remembers me with affection.

I can begin to understand the power of H's reconnection with OW, at least in the beginning. I would not have sought this outside the marriage, but I can see that it can be a very powerful thing and wasn't as punitive to me as it felt at the time. And I know that I need to forgive but also know it will be very difficult--this is helpful.

[Andabelle]

Your friend is going through a D too, so if nothing else you guys can support each other through the process. I know you haven't had much outside this forum, so I'm glad you've found somebody in RL who's sympathetic (also attractive, I hope!).

[hoosiermama]

I know you haven't had much outside this forum, so I'm glad you've found somebody in RL who's sympathetic (also attractive, I hope!).

and that is the dangerous part! (especially the attractive issue)

[DanceQueen]

hoosier...I am sincerely SO happy for you to make this re-connection.

This was truly a blessing from God, because He knows you needed support from someone who can understand your dilemma....

BUT....He also knew you needed to feel like a WOMAN again, even if only by feeling that tiny tingle that happens when we are in the presence of someone we are attracted to!

Also, what you said about beginning to understand the power H felt at his reconnection with OW was a HUGE step for you....this shows so much growth and understanding on your part, which will be necessary for you in the long run to recover from this whole mess.

I know you are not saying that you fully understand H's horrible decision...but to even have a glimpse into his mind and how he could make that choice is going to help you immensely....this does not excuse anything he has done, however.

Please don't be afraid of what this new re-connection has to offer you. I know there will be the temptation to fantasize that it could turn romantic...that is totally NORMAL!!! Feel free to have those fantasies as quiet little moments to yourself, the same as eating some chocolate can do for you.

Just stay grounded, realize it is fantasy, and don't pursue anything with him, of course....but at the same time, realize that God WANTS you to feel like a woman again! Feeling like a woman who can be desired by an attractive man will help you heal and move through all of this....it is part of the process.

You have just turned a corner.

Please take a good look around it.

You might have just left the past behind for real, and begun on the journey toward your HAPPY future.

God knew this was coming, even though you could not have known. He didn't leave you stranded with no help.

I'm so happy for you!

And also...you can almost count on your H now getting some kind of "vibe" about this and maybe being nice to you for once. When you start thinking about someone else romantically (even if just in fantasy) they can somehow feel that you've "let go" of them, even just a little bit, and it makes them come around in curiosity like "what is going on? I had a pyschic vibe that she isn't pining away for me anymore....?" I'm not saying he will do or say anything romantic or want to reconcile....just saying that he will somehow "know" that you have a change in your life, you are more hopeful, you have something to be happy about for once....it will make him curious....and all this will happen on a subconscious level....

Can't wait to hear what happens next!

DQ

[Puppy Dog Tails]

And also...you can almost count on your H now getting some kind of "vibe" about this and maybe being nice to you for once. When you start thinking about someone else romantically (even if just in fantasy) they can somehow feel that you've "let go" of them, even just a little bit, and it makes them come around in curiosity like "what is going on? I had a pyschic vibe that she isn't pining away for me anymore....?" I'm not saying he will do or say anything romantic or want to reconcile....just saying that he will somehow "know" that you have a change in your life, you are more hopeful, you have something to be happy about for once....it will make him curious....and all this will happen on a subconscious level....

I agree with this.

Puppy

[hoosiermama]

thank you!

H has actually been nice to me since the Max euthanasia event. Not open, not reconnected, none of that--but just more like I'm a human being. It's much easier to take, and I feel like I could co-parent like this long-term. I have much more peace about it.

It seems that others are getting the vibe as well. I am suddenly much more a member of the staff at school, kids are hugging me; I was even informed that the 3rd grade teacher never visited the nurse's office quite this much before I came (he's single; honestly, I didn't notice any of this). I feel alive again, and I like it very much.

It is tremendously healing to have reconnected. And even more so to know that there was this little spark in the corner of my friend's heart that never really went away. I have been uniquely isolated, I think, and that is a difficult and painful thing to feel so absolutely alone. But to discover that I was remembered warmly and with affection for 25 years is so healing. Apparently I once took a photo of some leaves when we were taking a walk together so long ago, and he still has that photo in his office.