Honestly, there is not much more I can do. I am not contacting him or calling him or driving by (too far!) and when he is here, I do not drop what I am doing to greet him. I go about my business. I try not to ignore him and depending on what is going on, I will talk to him for about 10 minutes to sometimes being with him most of the time he is here.
It just depends.
Not many places you can go in an 1100sf home when my bedroom is right off the living room/dining/kitchen area, and I don't have a car most of the time due to S's work schedule.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I know MWG... you have done all you can do.....been patient and lots of prayers ,given it over to God...but how much longer should you have to put up with this?....God has given us a way out of this and he knows all that you have done...and yes he will not condemn us wanting out, but like the word of God says and I have heard you tell me many times....he does not interfere with our free will. Your husband needs to make a decision now.for your own sanity.I've seen your pain every time he leaves to go be with her.
I am blessed that I dont have to go thru that..seeing my husband leave us every day to go be with the O/W.I always thought that by him being here in town would some how make him miss his family,but by seeing your sitch it really doesn't matter whether they are in town or live far away.
I am sorry I have been so outspoken on these last 2 posts.I didn't want to offend you...but like I said it is all about YOU NOW.Just keep praying and you know that is all we can really do...only you know when to stop this craziness...as much as we love them we must face the truth and that is that they really dont want us any longer...if they really did they'd be home by now...take care of you now.....if I could be like anyone in here it would be you, because your faith has brought you to this time in your marriage...and you gave it all you can...
Please take no offense to me I just want you and your family together.Your H needs to know that you have had enough...maybe this will jar him back to reality....if he chooses not to return than so be it....like you said also we can not change them,make them do anything...but we can still pray and hope....just not giving them the opportunity to stomp on us every time they leave us for them,give them free reign to come and go as they please.Just some consolation at least he hasnt filed for divorce you know why? because he knows that what he has waiting for him at home is far better than what he has with her.....Talk at you later friend... and sister in christ
It is not that simple stating that if they really wanted to be home then they would be here. What you must realize is that they become paralyzed and are unable to make a decision either way. How can one make a rational decision when they cannot remember things from one hour to the next, one minute to the next? When dealing with someone like this, what is the point of getting closure on this? Just because the situation is what it is right now, that does not mean if I take matters into my own hands, seek a divorce that I will be better off. I will be worse off from a financial standpoint.
I am looking at this not so much from the "earthly" standpoint but also from another way, and that is this is a spiritual battle.
As a mutual friend of H's and mine told me just yesterday, there is nothing you can do when it is a spirtual battle. All you can do is allow God to continue His work.
I can understand about how much can I take, etc., but the reality is, we are okay over here, it is peaceful, we do not wonder if he is out back on the phone with her, nobody is walking on eggshells, nobody is wondering is/when he will leave again. So I do not see this as all bad. He knows what is right but he is not listening to God or his beliefs. He is still in darkness.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
And I understand that... and it is a spirtual battle.. and I didn't imply for you to file for divorce...and yes you have spoken your mind with him....the farthest thing from my mind for your family is divorce...and it probably will hurt your finances even more...but from what I have read especially on one of your recent posts all you said was "HE IS HERE" like you were so excited for him to come over...I told you one time I wish I could see my H like you do almost everyday... but I am not so sure now if I could take it as well as you have...
My heart went out to you when I read those 3 words.I could tell that you were so excited that he was there to maybe have that talk.... but yet again he said nothing like it was never discussed...swept under the rug. And you were left with that hurt.I know the word of God.. what it says how we should have faith and believe and not divorce but he also stated in the bible that if there is infidelty that that is the only reason that we can be set free from our marriages....
I am like you I will stand with God for my marriage restoration and healing till the day I die....but what I have read so far is him coming and going whenever he wants....all I meant is some boundaries.....he cant just not call...not text for days...and just pretend like he has not been silent.
I dont know..... maybe if I have been in your shoes for as long as you have I will see things as you see them...
My best to you and your family... gotta run going to Dr. then on to work... Be Blessed In Jesus Name...
No, when I said he was here, it was more a shock/surprise after our conversation and my text two days prior to that.
I do not get excited or jump for joy when he comes over, not at all.
That supposed talk would be about who he wants to spend his life with and he said it will be hurtful towward me. I told him over the phone that he will lost more than he realizes and he said he has already lost.
The main thing from that conversation is who will get hurt, according to him.
He really has not called or texted me since November, beginning of December.
And when he comes over, still get those kisses and ILY's. go figure and tell me who he wants to be with, I do not know.
If I wanted to seek revenge, I still have those texts and I could easily send them to ow. But I am not going to play that game.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
MG, when you talk about forgiving your H and God forgiving him I have a question about that. Actually about any type of forgiving because I really struggle with it regarding my H. Even if I say it this week can I uphold that next week or next month?
When a sinner sins they can be forgiven for the sin. How long and often do they deserve forgiveness if they keep repeating the same sin over and over?
I'm not refering to just your H or my H, but in general too. I don't recall that God keeps forgiving for the same thing if the person does not repent and change what they are doing. Does He?
If they receive forgiveness each time they knowingly do the same wrong, why change?
There has been so much talk about forgiveness over the years on various threads - for the WAS, the XS, the OP. It all sounds great and peaceful. Maybe that's it, forgiveness is for ourselves and not them? (light bulb moment!) But then why would God forgive over and over for the same thing?
HHmm, the more I type the more confusion sets in.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
That is a great question and I don't think I am "qualified" to answer it but I've thought it!
I think what eats at me is that when one willfully and knowingly commits adultery, and yet, because they were "saved" years prior to this, that they are still somehow forgiven and have not lost their salvation.
From what I have gathered, there are two thoughts of school on this. Of course, both with opposing views, so I am not sure.
It's tough one and I think that these MLCers use what I have mentioned as an excuse to continue what they are doing. Now, I am probably sounding more confusing.............
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I also believe, Once saved, always saved... But I also believe that even more so we are held accountable for our sins. There are still consequences for our actions. I posted to you a couple of days ago on your thread, don't know if you read it or not. (((hugs)))
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
M, I would suggest that you continue as you have been doing since the weekend. Your h is "stalling" and this happens sometimes when events over take their thinking process. It happens when they know that they've got to do something in order to reach out and ask for help, i.e., contacting his father. Your h is sitting right on the edge of the fence, but you can't shake him off of it. He's got to do this on his own.
There are plenty of them out there that have done exactly as your h. If your h didn't want to be around you and your family, he surely wouldn't come over. The ow's place is a safe haven to him as well, as he scurries back there every night. I suspect he feels like he doesn't have to be anyone special, i.e., keep up the good front of being a father and a husband. The depression still has him wearing a mask at your place. It's weaker than it's been, but he's still not willing to give it up just yet.
This has been the test of a life time! He's a very stubborn one, but God will win over in the end. The question will be how will he react to waking up at the end of this long journey?
Please take care of yourself. This is taking a lot of patience on your part, but in the end, I think it will be worth it, whether he returns or not. Let's keep the faith and pray for his safe landing and return home.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Like BND, I believe in once saved always saved. But I also believe there is no worse place to be for the born again christian to be than out of the will of God.I know , because I was, and my wifes bomb brought me to my spiritual knees.As far as forgiveness, Jesus told his desciples 70x7 and that was only to say that there is no number of times to be forgiven. That is why Jesus died.There has to be repentence.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
