I am doing better today - still extremely sad - but also just more willing to fight through it and do what I have to do. Laughter was good - and, Purple, I have to admit that I've not done anything like the male equivalent of pampering - other than going to the gym, etc...I just haven't really taken much time to do anything for me that would just make me happy...haven't done that in a long time...even something as simple as going to a movie...
I've thought a lot about my wife today - even while sitting here and working with my writing partner - she kept passing through the back of my mind, and I kept hearing myself asking her to say goodbye...Strange thought - but that's what it was...just wanted a simple goodbye from her instead of this constant aloofness and immaturity. The pain from yesterday - looking back on it from today - felt like I had hit something of a turning point - not sure where this turn is taking me - but it did feel very, very different - all the sorrow - and the extreme despair - nothing like I had felt before - when I already felt I had felt the most pain months ago - this was different...and maybe it just needed to come out - after the holidays, after time with my family, after having to let everyone know that my life was different now.
I'm going to keep working now. Pushing through and making myself believe in myself again...I had trembled on the precipice of losing that belief in myself...that is not good...but thank you, my friends, for helping me through it.
