DON'T be the one that keeps it together only to have it fall apart in a year or two when you have moved back and given up what you have worked for out there.
This strikes me- yes, this thought exactly runs through my head. Especially since we were previously S before and wound up here again 4yrs later. And no, stbx doesn't have a lot to offer. I have to face reality:
-stbx has drug problem, won't quit -stbx leaned on me to pay all the bills -stbx is bipolar (At least 1/2 of the time angry/mean, ignoring me) Won't take medication -stbx is not interested in me or our M anymore -I am in a better city than I was before with a lot of great, new friends and family
Saw that stbx logged into his myspace pg Sun, so he probably saw the new pictures. No contact yet.
I don't know, my sitch may be dead. I'm headed toward D day- date has been set for March 9. If we're in agreement on a settlement, this could be the final D. My lawyer called me today to discuss the final settlement. Basically, I'm "acting as if" and going along w. the D. There is a lot that would have to change for things to work and stbx isn't even interested in me anymore. If he showed any interest, I would start talking to him and see what happens.. but, that may not even happen. Even though I wasn't perfect, I have done a lot to try and save this M over the last 15yrs. We almost split up two times before and I hung on. I shouldn't be faulting myself anymore.
My emotions are surfacing re: just dealing with the whole thing. I think it's hitting me b/c D day is approaching. When I left this summer, it was hard but I knew there was still a tiny hope things could turn around. Now, that hope is fast diminishing, I think I'm definitely going to keep posting to get through it all. Luckily, I'm not having problems w. the paperwork and stbx is being 'amicable' in our agreements. It's the emotions that are the hardest to get through.
I do feel kind of used. Stbx leaned on me for so long to pay for our bills and now that we're getting the D, he immediately borrows money from his family and his RM (which he refused to do before). I know he's just finding a new means of support since I'm gone- but it's so obvious that he was using me financially. I'm lucky that he has paid his half on a number of bills. Funny how now we're getting D that I'm actually in a BETTER financial situation!
DBer since 2003 D - 3/24/09 GAL and DBing for myself
