When do the tears go away ?

[still hopeful]

whitney,

Thanks again for helping me to side with my own voice of reason. My experience in talking with mutual 'friends' that know XW has been mostly that the women want XW to 'pull her head out' and the men want me to disengage, move on and forget about her. The consensus on this board is clearly to let go and move on. If she wants to come back then she knows where I am and then I will have THE decision to make, won't I. The hard part is letting go of my 'perceived' control of my sitch. But who am I kidding besides myself? I don't have any control in my sitch, only control over me and I have done all that I can DO to initiate reconciling with my XW. She knows what I want w/o any R talk.
I am sad to hear about the effects of your D on you D. I am sooo saddened by the effects of my D on our children. I remember in the beginning, XW told me that some of her friends had told her that divorces don't really affect small children. I told her immediately that whichever 'friend' told her that had no clue. Everything I have read tells me that a divorce is a 'DEFINING' time in a child's life. They FEEL everything. Not understanding makes it even more confusing for them, as they often incorrectly blame themselves. Let's hold us together together, my friend. Yes, it's all we can do.

Today, is the day that I initiate disengaging and holding on to the outcome. Of course, I will remain open to reconciling, but I will stop chasing and stop being an emotional tampon Spending time hear reading and posting helps me to move forward, even if it's just a little bit at a time.

I need to be the man that both she and I need for me to be. She can't reconcile her M with me acting like a GF of hers.

Tom

p.s.