When do the tears go away ?

[still hopeful]

whitney,

Thank you for being siding with the rational, well-grounded part of my mind to stay out of the detective business. I know that the upside of knowing more is minimal and the downside is ruinous.

I'll keep working on me, taking care of my children, and striving to detach in a loving and supportive but still assertive way.

Again, I know that phoenixdeux's advice to me is the way to go, as MY way has simply kept me stuck and prolonged my sitch, perhaps unnecessarily. I don't know the answer for which I search, but I do know that MY way is not THE answer to achieving my reconciliation goal.

I don't wish to keep XW emotionally afloat while she searches for another BandAid (in the from of yet another DH) to get her through missing me, her marriage and her united family unit, while she she continues to REFUSE to think, process, feel and heal. An emotional tampon, I will be no longer. She can always talk her emotions out of HER personal situations with her GFs, and I am NOT one of those. I strive to be her husband again, NOT another one of her male 'good friends.'

So, yes, I will inch away from my XW emotionally and gently direct her to other people in her life who, in her mind, are more important to her than I am, so she can squeeze all of the emotional drama out of her crises. I need to create some emotional distance between the two of us so that I can clearly determine how best to proceed.

Thanks.
Tom