For the Guy with Kids and a WW 23

[whatdidido]

Ok, that makes sense. You made that statement after talking about B. I thought you meant that you are just living your life as a single man now, and you didn't want to save your marriage. I was thinking, "Well, if you don't want to save your marriage, what are you waiting for? Divorce her." I see now that I took it wrong.

I like Sundays. I hope you have a great day today.

[InLikeFlynn]

Ok, that makes sense. You made that statement after talking about B. I thought you meant that you are just living your life as a single man now, and you didn't want to save your marriage. I was thinking, "Well, if you don't want to save your marriage, what are you waiting for? Divorce her." I see now that I took it wrong.

I like Sundays. I hope you have a great day today.

I thought the same thing. I misinterpreted also.

[hopeful4her]

Ok, so...no more hissy fits, right?

Beej, I could just see you throwing your hands in the air.

"OMG!!ARE YOU KIDDING ME???!!!"



In one of my conversations with her, I think it was that Tuesday that she was off and had gone to the food stamp office, she had mentioned to me that while she was waiting, she had taken a book to read. This had surprised me because she is not the type that reads books. When we were trying to make a go of the marriage two years ago, we had gone to a seminar by Gary Smalley and we had gotten several books written by various authors.

While she was ill, I had started reading a book to her by Max Lucado called, "Facing your Goliath". I think that was the name. She liked it but never finished it. I did. I started by reading to her in the hospital, but we never finished. GREAT book, by the way.

She never read them. She is not a reader. I can't recall her EVER reading a book other than some sort of a magazine. She has such a short attention span.

Anyway, that day I said, "A book? YOU? Reading a BOOK? Cut it out."
"Yes, me. I'm resolving to read more for the new year."

Yesterday, when I left off the girls, the book I got her by Victoria Osteen was on the coffee table and I could see a book mark in it. I noticed her carrying a book the other night when she got home on Monday, when I was in the parking lot telling D11 goodbye.

Thats a great sign for her. I've prayed that she would read any of the books that she has, including her bible. She got into her bible when she was in the rehab, and only slightly after she got home.

Actually, I need to start reading my bible more, too.

The only problem is, she changes the true meaning to go along with HER thoughts. The way ALL Waywards do, I'm sure. You know, the old, "God would WANT me to be happy" thing. Or "I talk to God too, in MY way."

I love Joel Osteen, but I don't think he touches on the HEALING of marriages. He speaks a lot to, "You may have had a marriage that didn't work out, but..." or "You may have had disappointments..".

Today, he did mention how he "is not for divorce, but he IS for divorced people." Picking themselves up, how God still has a plan for them, how they can rise and see better things in life. The closing of one door and the opening of another BETTER door. I wish he would speak on restoration more.
or "You may have had someone wrong you, but..."

[whatdidido]

I swear, whenever I write you a long one, they decide to make it disappear. Maybe it is to make me condense what I say. SO, in a nutshell I was going to tell you that I wish your wife would see that doing things that are wrong in God's eyes to make you "happy" is not the best way to make you "happy".

[hopeful4her]

We can wish all we want, doesn't mean its ever going to happen. Some prayers never get answered, right?

I had a football day yesterday. ALL day, watching playoffs. At around 5, D11 calls me and lets me know that their mom will drop them off at the house. They are on their way to the grocery store and they are going to cook beef ribs tonight. I tell her ok.

At around 6:45, D11 calls me back again and says that their mom is asking if they could just stay for one more night because she is just getting the fire started and it will late by the time they finish. I reluctantly give in and talk to D11 for a while. At the end, I ask her to have her sister call me later, before bed maybe.

She never called.

Today, I get an email from the GBG. She re-replied to the email that I forwarded to her from D11's math teacher.

"Good morining.
Thanks for letting the girls stay the night, dinner was started late. I was wondering if you could see if you can take D11 to the First Saturday school on the 24th and I would take her to the 31st one? I have to work on the 24th.



Let me know"

I responded,
"No problem.

That's fine. I work also, but I'll make arrangements. Don't worry about the 31st, that's my week and I should be off.

Enjoy your day."

I was too nice, right?

That Saturday of the 24th is her weekend with the girls.

I didn't hear anything after that, until about 5:15. I was with a client and I missed a call from her from her work and she had left a VM.

I just called her back at work without listening to the message.

"Hi. I wanted to ask if you were going to pick up D7 or if you wanted me to?"
"I was going to go get her. I'm getting ready right now."
"Ok. I left you a message. She took her backpack this morning, but there was some homework that she didn't do because she left her backpack in my car all weekend and she left the work in my car. I was going to see if you could stay at the apartment for a few minutes so that I could get her her homework. She could do it at the apartment."
"Uh...she can do it at the house."
"Were you going to pick D11 up first or were you going to get D7 first?"
"I was going to get D11 first, then pick up D7 so that I don't have to go BACK to the apartment."
"Tell you what, I can go get D7, you go get D11 and I'll meet you at the apartment. I'm getting off now."
"Fine."

I go to pick up D11. I had called ahead of time because I just know that they are not packed.

And I was correct. I told her to pack HER things as well as D7's for me. When I finally got there, she had her stuff packed, but not D7's yet. I got on her to go do it. S14 comes out of the room and greets me and closes the bedroom door. I stand in the entry way, but there is a clear view into the bedroom to the left of it. Its right there.

"Why do you always close the door?"
"I don't know. Just a habit."

I finally get D11 to get everything and I tell her that we can wait in the car, her mom should be on her way. We wait for about 10 minutes and talk in the car. I remember that I don't want S14 to take both phones with him to school. I want him to leave the Sprint phone at the apartment for the D11 when she gets home. The apartment phone and GBG's phone still is not working.

Instead of calling, we walk back to the apartment to tell him. We walk in and I'm telling him. As were standing there, I look over his shoulder and look into the bedroom. The bed is at the opposite wall as usual, so the headboard is full view from the doorway. Its one of those huge wooden headboards with cabinets and lights. On the top of it, I notice a framed picture.

The wife and OM. Posing for what looks like a Christmas picture. Like an actual posed pic. Their torso's facing each other, her hand on his chest. All dressed up. I see another unframed pic next to it. It looks like the same pic or one very similar. I don't say anything. I just told him what I wanted and we left again.

We waited for another 20 minutes before they show up. I see D7 run to the apartment. I see GBG gathering things from her vehicle. When she finally starts to walk to the apartment, I get out and walk towards her. She gives me a surprised look and a smile. I go to grab D7's stuff.

"Hi. D7 just ran inside. She was going to do her homework."
"Here(I took D7's bags), she can do it at the house."
"Okay. Are you trying to avoid me?"
I take the stuff and turn towards the car saying, "No."
As I walk off, I hear, "ooKaayyyy".

I put the stuff in the car and she walks to the apartment. D11 stays in the car looking at her homework. Inside, D7 is eating chocolate. I tell her hello. I ask GBG if D7's homework is in her backpack. She says no and picks it up from the sofa and hands it to me. She hands me a bag of rib bones.

"Here. This is for Cocoa. Do you want some?"
"No thanks."
D7 chimes in, "I want some! Can I have some?"
I look at D7, D7 is looking at her mom and her mom is looking at me. She can see I'm frustrated by now and says, "I....think your dad has food at home, right?" looking at me.
"Yesss, we have food at home" I said softly and slowly.
D7 says "Awww".
GBG says, "Here, just take some."
She goes to put some in a baggie. Walking out, D7 asks if we are going to take the hamsters. I let her know that we can bring them tomorrow if she wants.

I'm trying to get the hell out of there. Too much time wasted already.

GBG is going to walk us out to tell D11 goodbye. At the door, D7 asks if we're going to take the scooters. I look at her and GBG says, "Do you want to take them for the weekend?"
I say, "We can get them tomorrow if they want."

We all walk to the car. D7 and I walk in front and I'm talking to her and asking her if she got in trouble for not turning in her homework. She said no. I get D7 in the car. GBG goes to talk to D11 and tells her goodbye. I go get myself in the car. I can hear her saying goodbye, but I'm not sure if she meant me. I don't say anything. She closes the door, I back out and take off.

Driving home, I could feel the anger build.

Today, my boss reminded me that I need to divorce her. That there would be so many women that would want to date me.

There is nothing to try to salvage with her. She has what she wants. It seems like I keep saying this to myself.

Beej, maybe you DID understand what I said. Maybe I meant what you thought you understood. I've said this at least a couple of times before. I'm done with her. I don't want who she is. As much as I feel for her, I don't want her, I don't want her, I don't want her anymore.

She is on her own.

I am on my own.

I'm at the point, that I'm going to have to consider doing the filing myself at some point. I said this not even that long ago. I said that it might be after the first of the year. I don't have the money for the paperwork, so I may have to have my folks fund it. They'll do it in a heartbeat.

It's like I shouldn't even be on this board anymore. I'm DEFINATELY not doing things to save my marriage. Feels odd. I know I'm venting right now, but I'm not angry. It might sound like it, but I'm not. All I know is that I deserve so much better in life and I'm tired of living like this. I need to stop living in the past and let go of it. And her. Forward motion.

Forward motion.


And BTW, she looked really bloated in her pic.

[InLikeFlynn]

The wife and OM. Posing for what looks like a Christmas picture. Like an actual posed pic. Their torso's facing each other, her hand on his chest. All dressed up.

I hate to say it but it actually might be a good thing that you saw the picture!!! A reality check. She continues to have the best of both worlds.

Next time she asked 'Are you trying to avoid me" I would say yes!!! Tell her you don't like lingering around her apartment. Everytime you end up seeing something you don't like. If she asked like what....Say well on top of the previous OM's belongings he leaves around the house...I can't even just stand in the living room without seeing from a distance a framed picture of you and SH!!! That is why I need to stay outside for the kids. Just have them meet me at the car from now on!!!

[hopeful4her]

I have no idea why I didn't say "Yes, I am".

My desire to avoid conflict mixed with my desire to just leave.

[whatdidido]

I agree with Flynn. Start telling her why you you are avoiding her. You got a reality check. Give her one, too. She, even though she feels ashamed and guilty, has been doing just fine because you are being nice about it really. She's playing you. Being just nice enough so that you don't get mad at her. She hasn't had to deal with the fallout of her actions enough...only financially it has hit her. She taunted you, "bring it on"...maybe it's time to do just that, but not in the way she thinks. Give her reality checks with your words and actions. YOu've been doing good the last few days.

[karen43]

[quote=InLikeFlynn][b]

That is why I need to stay outside for the kids. Just have them meet me at the car from now on!!!

I agree with this. I've never even been over to H's apt. once. That would be too painful to see all the OW's crap around, plus she and her kids hang out there too. Yuck! I can't imagine how painful that must be to see a picture of them posing like the happy couple. Glad she looked bloated!!!

I do think you belong here, H. You know Kat and I and some others here are in the same kind of boat as you. And I don't think you have given up 100% I don't think or you wouldn't be so upset by the picture. I don't think it's unreasonable to put a time limit on how long you're willing to live in limbo (as long as you don't let her know the date). I do wonder someetimes if you filed that your W might wake up, but she might not of course. And I don't think it's wise to rush into divorce, but I don't know that you should live in limbo for years either. I know you deserve better than you're getting. There's no doubt about that!!! (((((H4h)))))) Karen

[kat727]

I agree that you should be here. Sometimes things come up and it is always good to come here and use us as a sounding board. I am not trying to save anything right now besides my sanity(I'll let you know how that goes) and yet I still come here because issues arise with ex being stupid or nice or the kids or financial stuff. Basically life just keeps happening and it does take a while to get through some of this.

We are here for you so keep on coming back.

kat