Hi TOH, yes I agree with new 2moro. I think you will find many people on this site which after all is the one you are on advocating NC. It is a DB principle,spoken of in the books and used by the coach's. It also follows the 180 rule, if something isn't working change it. You have done the contact thing for along time you have played the loving doormat always being there. You have also done alot of stuff that isn't DB but hey we all have. I would hate to see you fall again after what 36hrs of NC. That is no time at all to see if it is going to work. This NC is for you, to get you back on track,to build a life for you. Regardless of what H does or does not do. If you just want to be married but have a H that plays and stays away then go ahead call phone,email whatever. You will get what you have got now. Is that how you want to live the rest of your life? Your spouse rgardless of contact or no contact is and has been already seeking comfort elsewhere, so that has no bearing on your situation. Do this for you to get well and make a life. Give it a chance at least, fear makes us break it before we even have a chance to see if it helps us, but really what have you got to fear that hasn't already happened.