Call it NC if you want. Here's what my take is on what it is you are doing (or should be doing)...
You are NOT pursuing him anymore.
You are NOT checking up on his whereabouts.
You are NOT inviting him to dinner, to watch TV, etc.
You are NOT phoning him except for crucial matters pertaining to finances or children.
And the most important one of all...
You are NOT making decisions about YOU based upon HIM in anyway. You don't choose where to go based on where he'll be. You don't decide what you can or cannot do with future plans based upon how you think he might feel or react to them.
In short, you are living for YOU, making the decisions YOU want in order to have the best life you can possibly have, REGARDLESS of what he winds up doing.
This is not a trick, not a strategy. It is not DB'ing from the standpoint of trying to save your marriage. It is DB'ing from the standpoint of trying to save yourself.
You seem to be constantly on the edge of just sliding back in to your old ways. Your posts certainly suggest that this is still a daily battle for you. And it will remain that way until you have lived THIS kind of life long enough that it begins to become the norm instead of the exception.
None of these approaches close the door, should your husband ever come out of the chaos that he is currently in. None of them mean that you are giving up or quitting your stand. Everything is STILL possible, regardless of how doing these things sometimes makes you feel inside.
Are you going to do it? Are you going to finally stop riding the rollercoaster that your husband is on?
I know you love the man. I know you want your life together back. Living for yourself changes none of that.
It is LONG past time for you to STOP being driven by his problems. Make yourself into the vibrant, successful person that YOU have the capability of being.
Odd that it is often ONLY THEN, that the wandering spouse looks back and truly begins to question just what the hell it is they have been doing to their life.
But if you don't do it, you'll never know.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
