It was fun talking to you! Hopefully we'll be able to connect.. let's set a date and etch it in stone.
I try and look back at my relationship with my spouse.. but the water is far too muddy to know what was and wasn't true. However, I can be in the present and know who I am.
I am not the same person I was when he left. I'm in a much better, healthier place.. more aware of my surroundings. I'm no longer delirious for crumbs of affection. I work on facing my fears rather than letting them consume me.
I can immense regrets that we've lost so much money in legal fees and expenses.. that 'Only if I'd known how to do the divorce in June.. blah blah blah..'. Guess what? It doesn't matter. It is what it is. And it is what it is for a reason.
It's not about what was.. what I should have done, one magical moment or two when I could have behaved just a little different and this never would have come to pass. We are who we are, beautifully flawed.
Seeing your friend from Al-Anon probably was a message. A safe place to visit.
My sister keeps saying that I'm seeing the person my spouse has always been to others. I'm on the outside of his fierce protectiveness. You know what.. it's all choices.
I can mourn the loss of the 'forever' and at the same time relish the 'now'.
I can feel immense gratitude for what I have, rather than what was lost (and turns out had been lost for quite a while).
I can live my life with all five senses rather than playing a role I thought was right.
Choices.. Donna... it's all our choice.
To be happy, sad, forgiving, angry. I make my own world. It's not perfect.. but guess what.. neither I am.
