Ali, men dont say "goodbye" the way women do. And men that are in a mess try to avoid saying goodbye. You told me your BF is an avoider, right? Goodbye would be too hard for him. So, he just let things fade...
It's not weird to still love someone after a year. I think that if you let it, you can love this person and feel hurt for yearS!!! It's all a matter of perspective and ...luck. If you had met someone treating you the way you deserve to be treated now, believe me, your mind would be off him.
Be patient. Just make sure your next "lows" are always a bit higher than the previous ones... love K
Hi there Ali - I, too am sorry to hear about this low patch...the only thing I have to add to the good and kind words above is to be sure that if you decide to leave the door open a crack you are certain that you want your exBF back and not just the whole "idea " of him - that you's not wanting him back cos he's not with you right now - if you see what I mean...
Not sure I've expressed that too well but I hope you get my meaning...
Best - GFI
Me: 40ish W: 40ish Together: 20 ish years Married: 10ish Years
Hey K! My BFF said that.. you are still up and down, but thats a good thing, better that than down all the time, plus.. the lows are not as low as before, so I dip but its getting shallower. I agree with you!
Also..this happened before (not as dramatic) with the only other guy I truly loved, my first love. I recognised that I wouldnt get over him, until I met and fell for someone else. Well, I did meet several BFs, but STILL didnt get over him fully, until I was with my current ex.. when I realised that he not only compared to my first love, but I loved him more, he was a better man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
I know I will only get over him when I fall in love again and that could take a while. Sad isnt it, that they can move on to someone new and be ok. You made me feel better, reminding me of that fact K, so thanks! It really is just a matter of time and letting nature takes its course...
You're doing better and better Ali and I'm so glad to see it. I appreciate your honesty here in sharing your feelings and current emotional state. I find myself holding back a lot here now because I feel I should be coping better with everything in my life. Good for you for not succumbing to that!
Ali, you will love your ex forever - there really is no way around that. True love doesn't ever really die it just changes based on the circumstances. I will love Gabe for the rest of my life, but I know that I can't be with him again in the state he is in now. The person he has become is someone I can't respect or value. That is not the kind of man I need in my life. He is so broken and he needs to find a way to fix himself - find his happiness. I can't do that for him and I'm not going to push him to do it for himself because then it didn't come from his own realizations. You are doing the same for your ex. He is broken, you know it, he knows it, he isn't doing enough right now to help himself but you can't push it. It's a dilemma, but one we all face.
You are such a smart, beautiful, talented lady Ali. I find myself anxious to here what you will be up to next which is why I am here so often (living vicariously I guess!). Keep posting away!
How is your thesis going?
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Thanks Mish! I was going to post that things ARE looking up this evening and I feel better for a number of reasons (but I AM up and down like a piston engine!!!) but then something else happened and it may seem I am ok becuase of the 2nd thing, but really, it made me feel a bit worse!
So..I got an extension on my first draft of the dissertation, thank goodness, so I have another week. Then I joined a bunch of clubs..tonight I did yoga! It was brilliant, but very hard and I ache all over! Transformer, am I doing it wrong? Julia.. your post inspired me to sign up.. so I did for weekly sessions.
Then I start Tang Soo Do (no idea what that is!) on Mondays, its something to do with Martial arts. And I am maybe going out with the sailing club on Saturdays..as crew on a sail boat, but I am waiting to hear if there are spaces. Also I am going to the sea kayaking club next week with a lesson in the pool and then they go to the pub after! They are all apparently 20-25 year olds, so I will see if its a bit too young for me.
Lastly.. best news of all..I made new friends in the summer when I was working and the one I got on best with moved away a few months ago..but found out today she is moving back NEXT WEEK! She will be 15 mins from me again, I'm SO excited!! So I kind of lost BMF and then cornish BFF came back into the void!
Great news! And now.. guys.. I need your advice! For the following..
So.. amazingly, I checked my emails after yoga and I got one from my ex!! It made my stomach somersault and lurch and my head pound! I was so shocked to see it there and dreaded opening it (silly I know)...interestingly, it was very sweetly titled "prezzies". Thats new. No mention of Christmas (with her, ha) or New Year... and this is perfect.. better to side step it and not refer to it at all, as I hadnt in my card.
So the question is.. should I respond tommorow? He sent it, as he usually does, at 5.35pm - end of the working day. I guess I should be chatty and matey back? He refers to my BFF H, whose Dad has cancer and weeks to live.. so he must have really taken that in when I told him when I last saw him and be thinking of his own Dad. Also, my chatty card was (typically!) funny and was in part, in the style of Gavin and Stacey (new brilliant comedy). And.. YAY!!! He loved the CDs I chose for him! Damn, I am good. It said:
Hiya al,
How you doing? Thanks very much for the CD's - they're ace! Like the LA's one, but really like the Courteneers one - brilliant!! Glad you like the book and CD's - not sure if you already had them so a bit of a gamble. Thinking of your card, did you see the gavin and stacey christmas special? Flaming hilarious I thought!
I hope your OK Al, will speak soon. Meant to ask, any news on BFF H's dad?
*Name*
So.. its nearly a year since he moved out (Jan 26th) and 2 weeks after that, he started with the short emails and "will speak soon" in that oft seen no-personal-pronoun speak favoured by the MLCer. Nearly a year on and he is still in that place!! Good grief. So I guess he is 'promising' to call me. Thoughts anyone!???
Ali, what is "the following"? You're probably writing it out now and I'm just being impatient...
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
