Ooooooooooooooooooo and wow. lol You made me think here and really re-evaluate. I will try and answer as best I can, but thanks for making me take a good look again.

Firstly, yes, my H was never a HUGE talker. That wasn't a problem because we talked and we were always open with one another. We ML regularly and although it wasn't what I would have liked, it was never an issue for me. I know and knew back then that I was a very HD person, so I was satisfied with what we were doing. Never once in our first 5 years did I want more, or feel unsatisfied. Looking back I remember when he wanted me as well. Then it decreased and decreased. Became something that I had to either trick him into or beg for. Which of course I resented and eventually handled poorly. Didn't think so back then, but I know now I did handle it badly. To answer the question of, " what can he do?" Well, that's simple, I'd take about anything at this point. The thing is, he's doing nothing. He has great intentions for the most part. WHEN I finally reach the end of my rope and address it again, we talk, and he says he'll write, or read, or whatever happens to be said at that time. I don't want to push, and I know its hard for him so I wait patiently. NOTHING happens. Here lies the problem. I went as far as one time waiting 2 full years. Hindsight again say's that was wrong, and I should have said or tried to talk to him sooner all those years ago. He really thought things were great. When I finally did come back to him after 2 years, he was stunned to find out I was unhappy. ( In that time, we had not ML once ) As for what I think he can give. I think he could try a little harder. I think that even if it's uncomfortable he should make that effort to at least take a baby steps. I'd like to know that he loves me enough to take those steps that may be difficult for him.

My approach is NOT working for certain. As you have read my last attempt was to try and see if we could communicate thru email to start things off. He has a hard time with words, so I thought this would help him. In saying that though, I still believe that my expectations are realistic for sure. This is NOT the man I married. Had I known my M would have become this, I wouldnt have married him. Sounds harsh but at times I feel like he tricked me into showing me a man he wasn't. We were married and then in a matter of a short years, he just stopped everything. Stopped talking, stopped touching me, stopped being present really. For a long time I didn't dwell on in too much because he's a great man, and we get along great, but then realized I had a roommate and not a husband.

I don't feel it's too much to ask that I understand why he won't touch me. Why when things get tough, he'd rather pretend I'm not in the room, or on the phone etc...... I'm also not opposed to him telling me what to do. Meaning how HE thinks we can figure this out. If it means a C ( which he refuses to see ) or writing, or or or.... But he says, " I dont know " Or " Whatever"

I do believe his needs are being met. I can't be certain cause he won't really say. The most so far I've ever really gotten is he thinks things are great until I get on him about sex. If I could live in a sex-less marriage he would be the happiest man around. That I do know. In my first email to him, I plainly asked him if that is something he wants. I'm starting to wonder if it is. So I just came out and asked.

As for who makes the moves. Well, for a long time, it was me. Then as I said I stopped to leave it up to him, so I wouldn't' be bothering him and he said after that time, he was happy and thought things were great. For the past 6 years its ONLY me. And at this point in all honesty I doubt I will try again for some time. This past October ( after over a year of NOTHING ) I again made the move, and we had a big talk. I explained I was not happy with a sexless marriage etc... We made a plan together, and I thought it was going to be a start of something. NOTHING happened again. Even having a 2 week holiday together. So...........

That's the dilemma. I really don't know what to do. I WILL do anything but unfortunately I'm not being met half way here. I'll take 1/8 of the way at this point.

Hope that answers your questions. Think I got a tad long winded there... ;\) But, thanks. I will say it made me really think. I will give him more time, and I will do what he needs to do to make it easier for him, but I can't continue to wait with no progress at all. If I do that, then things just stay the same and I'm living with a brother of sorts. It's why things have gone on this long, cause in reality things are so good. BUT< I don't want to live with my brother. I want a husband. I've done that for too long, and it's time to move forward or start over. OR decide that I will live in a sexless marriage. Haven't totally decided, but doubt it's something I could live with forever.

Thanks again J