Organizing my Life

[BeingMe]

Just some journalling .... about my one and only sister!

My sister and I have been somewhat estranged for several years (actually, there has always been a distance between us since I was little - she is 9 years older than I). When my seizures first started, she did send me flowers which I thought was really sweet. That was August 2008. Last night was the first time I actually heard from her ... we were talking on the phone, actually in a really pleasant way when I went into another seizure. Quite a bad one. Ugh! She told my S21 she would phone back today, but she didn't - that is typical behaviour. I fell asleep on the couch tonight, otherwise I would've called her, but maybe I shouldn't. It takes a couple of days sometimes to get over a bad seizure, so I'm still somewhat groggy and my brain feels muffled.

I have always wished for a better R with my sister. I don't know why we are so distant ... it's been that way for so long. I went through a time when I looked up to her, and agreed with everything she said, but she is the type, unfortunately, who cuts you out of her life if you somehow disagree with her. She can hold a grudge for years for the smallest slight. Also, she can tease you, sometimes mercilessly, but does not appreciate you returning the favour. She is seldom willing to listen to you and take someone else's point of view into consideration.

I love her, but I decided awhile ago that she must come to me now (I have always been the one to go to her, to make friends). I was very surprised to hear from her last night. I hope this is a first step.

Now, the above makes my sister seem like a really awful person, but those are just the traits that I find negative and hurtful to me, personally. Generally, she is a funny person, very intelligent, great at telling stories. She sure has had her fair share of pain, and illness. Stomach cancer which she survived after a lot of pain (her stomach was removed), multiple heart bypass surgery, HBP. I am an example of blooming health in comparison. She has come through all this like a real trouper and I admire her strength and bravery.

Ah well! Family! Watcha gonna do, 'eh!? But, these peripheral R's do influence one's marital R and the ones you have with your children, in some ways, even if only a little. I think I have to just accept that we will never be close ... not at our ages. Sad, really.