For the Guy with Kids and a WW 23

[hopeful4her]

We can wish all we want, doesn't mean its ever going to happen. Some prayers never get answered, right?

I had a football day yesterday. ALL day, watching playoffs. At around 5, D11 calls me and lets me know that their mom will drop them off at the house. They are on their way to the grocery store and they are going to cook beef ribs tonight. I tell her ok.

At around 6:45, D11 calls me back again and says that their mom is asking if they could just stay for one more night because she is just getting the fire started and it will late by the time they finish. I reluctantly give in and talk to D11 for a while. At the end, I ask her to have her sister call me later, before bed maybe.

She never called.

Today, I get an email from the GBG. She re-replied to the email that I forwarded to her from D11's math teacher.

"Good morining.
Thanks for letting the girls stay the night, dinner was started late. I was wondering if you could see if you can take D11 to the First Saturday school on the 24th and I would take her to the 31st one? I have to work on the 24th.



Let me know"

I responded,
"No problem.

That's fine. I work also, but I'll make arrangements. Don't worry about the 31st, that's my week and I should be off.

Enjoy your day."

I was too nice, right?

That Saturday of the 24th is her weekend with the girls.

I didn't hear anything after that, until about 5:15. I was with a client and I missed a call from her from her work and she had left a VM.

I just called her back at work without listening to the message.

"Hi. I wanted to ask if you were going to pick up D7 or if you wanted me to?"
"I was going to go get her. I'm getting ready right now."
"Ok. I left you a message. She took her backpack this morning, but there was some homework that she didn't do because she left her backpack in my car all weekend and she left the work in my car. I was going to see if you could stay at the apartment for a few minutes so that I could get her her homework. She could do it at the apartment."
"Uh...she can do it at the house."
"Were you going to pick D11 up first or were you going to get D7 first?"
"I was going to get D11 first, then pick up D7 so that I don't have to go BACK to the apartment."
"Tell you what, I can go get D7, you go get D11 and I'll meet you at the apartment. I'm getting off now."
"Fine."

I go to pick up D11. I had called ahead of time because I just know that they are not packed.

And I was correct. I told her to pack HER things as well as D7's for me. When I finally got there, she had her stuff packed, but not D7's yet. I got on her to go do it. S14 comes out of the room and greets me and closes the bedroom door. I stand in the entry way, but there is a clear view into the bedroom to the left of it. Its right there.

"Why do you always close the door?"
"I don't know. Just a habit."

I finally get D11 to get everything and I tell her that we can wait in the car, her mom should be on her way. We wait for about 10 minutes and talk in the car. I remember that I don't want S14 to take both phones with him to school. I want him to leave the Sprint phone at the apartment for the D11 when she gets home. The apartment phone and GBG's phone still is not working.

Instead of calling, we walk back to the apartment to tell him. We walk in and I'm telling him. As were standing there, I look over his shoulder and look into the bedroom. The bed is at the opposite wall as usual, so the headboard is full view from the doorway. Its one of those huge wooden headboards with cabinets and lights. On the top of it, I notice a framed picture.

The wife and OM. Posing for what looks like a Christmas picture. Like an actual posed pic. Their torso's facing each other, her hand on his chest. All dressed up. I see another unframed pic next to it. It looks like the same pic or one very similar. I don't say anything. I just told him what I wanted and we left again.

We waited for another 20 minutes before they show up. I see D7 run to the apartment. I see GBG gathering things from her vehicle. When she finally starts to walk to the apartment, I get out and walk towards her. She gives me a surprised look and a smile. I go to grab D7's stuff.

"Hi. D7 just ran inside. She was going to do her homework."
"Here(I took D7's bags), she can do it at the house."
"Okay. Are you trying to avoid me?"
I take the stuff and turn towards the car saying, "No."
As I walk off, I hear, "ooKaayyyy".

I put the stuff in the car and she walks to the apartment. D11 stays in the car looking at her homework. Inside, D7 is eating chocolate. I tell her hello. I ask GBG if D7's homework is in her backpack. She says no and picks it up from the sofa and hands it to me. She hands me a bag of rib bones.

"Here. This is for Cocoa. Do you want some?"
"No thanks."
D7 chimes in, "I want some! Can I have some?"
I look at D7, D7 is looking at her mom and her mom is looking at me. She can see I'm frustrated by now and says, "I....think your dad has food at home, right?" looking at me.
"Yesss, we have food at home" I said softly and slowly.
D7 says "Awww".
GBG says, "Here, just take some."
She goes to put some in a baggie. Walking out, D7 asks if we are going to take the hamsters. I let her know that we can bring them tomorrow if she wants.

I'm trying to get the hell out of there. Too much time wasted already.

GBG is going to walk us out to tell D11 goodbye. At the door, D7 asks if we're going to take the scooters. I look at her and GBG says, "Do you want to take them for the weekend?"
I say, "We can get them tomorrow if they want."

We all walk to the car. D7 and I walk in front and I'm talking to her and asking her if she got in trouble for not turning in her homework. She said no. I get D7 in the car. GBG goes to talk to D11 and tells her goodbye. I go get myself in the car. I can hear her saying goodbye, but I'm not sure if she meant me. I don't say anything. She closes the door, I back out and take off.

Driving home, I could feel the anger build.

Today, my boss reminded me that I need to divorce her. That there would be so many women that would want to date me.

There is nothing to try to salvage with her. She has what she wants. It seems like I keep saying this to myself.

Beej, maybe you DID understand what I said. Maybe I meant what you thought you understood. I've said this at least a couple of times before. I'm done with her. I don't want who she is. As much as I feel for her, I don't want her, I don't want her, I don't want her anymore.

She is on her own.

I am on my own.

I'm at the point, that I'm going to have to consider doing the filing myself at some point. I said this not even that long ago. I said that it might be after the first of the year. I don't have the money for the paperwork, so I may have to have my folks fund it. They'll do it in a heartbeat.

It's like I shouldn't even be on this board anymore. I'm DEFINATELY not doing things to save my marriage. Feels odd. I know I'm venting right now, but I'm not angry. It might sound like it, but I'm not. All I know is that I deserve so much better in life and I'm tired of living like this. I need to stop living in the past and let go of it. And her. Forward motion.

Forward motion.


And BTW, she looked really bloated in her pic.