Two WAS's- is it really meant to be or walk away?

[Trixi]

-I find stbx attractive physically, he was a good lover
-Our history together, stbx feels like a longtime friend (but not really the best friend to me I suppose)
-I think stbx is smart intellectually and talented in his music. I admire that he is determined to make his music a success. I admire that stbx can be a strong person and make it through anything (of course this backfires against me too)
-I value M, I want my own family, don't like the idea of D- feel like a failure (I know this is all me, and not him)
-I remember the times when stbx made me feel like I was special. He would ask for hugs and be so loving/sensitive, more sensitive than any one I have ever known (it was very up and down in frequency though) He's a man of extremes (bipolar). It's either "all or nothing" with him.


Seeing the 'good' in a situation is my one of my habits and coping mechanisms. It is a strength of mine, I know I just need to use it to help myself and take care of myself.

OMG- did I write this???? I'm serious-w/the exception of the bi-polar part, I could write all of this. Actually, I have wondered if my H is bi-polar...

I especially relate to the last part about seeing the 'good' in a situation...

L_L, you have a great head start on creating a happy life for yourself. The only thing you H can give you right now, is the "title" of "Wife". (Not to diminish being a wife--just saying that he doesn't have anything else to bring to you.)

OTOH, you have A LOT to offer to someone. You know that you can love someone; that you can survive being hurt and not turn to your "art" to stay safe; you know you can be loyal, faithful and committed and you aren't afraid to put in some actual *work* to keep a marriage together.

I have a friend who is twice divorced. He never wants to marry again. He's been dating a girl for 2 1/2 years and is perfectly happy living an hour away from her. He said to me "I like my life. I don't want to have to compromise to live with someone. I don't want to get hurt again. If GF and I break up, I know I'll survive...You'll see; once you realize what your H has put you thru, you'll feel the same way." How very sad. I might be naive or pollyanna, but I still believe in marriage. I still believe that it's possible to make a life that both people can be happy with. And you know what? I don't want to lose that view.

L_L, of course, I still think that saving a marriage is the ideal-BUT, you can lead a horse to water....

Of course, if you want to give things one final shot, I support you. If it makes him take pause and reconsider, please make sure that HE does some work. DON'T be the one that keeps it together only to have it fall apart in a year or two when you have moved back and given up what you have worked for out there. KWIM?