OK, H emailed me this: while i am glad you brought that up S15 getting medicated in front of me today it is disturbing you talked to his doctors and did not include me. i am heartened to here that his primary physician doesn't think its a good idea. i think we have been way to quickk to medicate.
S15 is just pushing your buttons Re the divorce. the fact that you talked so much about the adultery just let him know he can bug you with it. the past is the past don't beat yourself up over talking/yelling about it in front of them. at least you don't do it anymore. i hope with the passage of time you have been able to see that our marriage was very dysfunctional and we were bound to get a divorce. it was just irreparably screwed up, it has nothing to do with anyone else. OK, this is my response. Do you think this is ok or any changes?
I mentioned his depression to his doctor at his last appt. She asked about any concerns re: S15 and I felt that was a concern that I should mention. No new info to tell you re: his depression or I would have emailed you with it. I ask the therapist about once a month or so how the kids are doing and check in with her. You may want to call her and do the same--her number is ...... I don't feel we were quick to medicate in D9's case. D9 was screaming/crying about 8 hours a day from birth to age 4 so I think waiting 4 years was not quick imo and I guess you've blocked how difficult that period was for us all.
S15 is having moderate depression according to the therapist, and that seems about right to me. It's probably normal as you said going through what he is, but I certainly want to keep an eye on that. As you mentioned, I don't beat myself up talking or yelling about it in front of them and actually don't really talk about you with them other than I always make sure they know when you are visiting and info like that. I was seriously depressed, esp. the last year or so before you moved out & certainly needed treatment and to work on myself, and have done that, and you had some issues also. Maybe counseling wouldn't have helped our marriage like it did me personally though, you may be right. Karen
Karen: I find myself just feeling dislike with a tinge of anger for him. I usually think I'm kind of in the same place as a lot of us here, but I don't think I feel the same toward him as y'all, I mean as you guys feel about your WAS. Hopefully the dislike will lessen eventually, rather than increase like it has for me lately???
We have both been at this for about the same time December 2007, what a crappy December that was. It looks like your WAS filed for D just a month before mine, so our timeline is about the same. I have notice that I'm less angry than I was initially, I just think my anger has leveled off. Dislike is a good word, I dislike my WAS (for a number of reasons I don't need to go into) I don't know if that dislike will ever go away. My WAS is someone I don't want to be around, don't want to talk to, is not someone I would turn to for help in anyway.
I believe as time goes by we will move on; keep ourselves busy; meet some new significant other; begin building our lives as single parents, we will forget more and more about them, they will pop up occasionally to annoy us, but we will be less and less inclined to let them bother us, because we'll have better things to think about.
M45 W41 M10.75 years D9, D7, D7, S6 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me New Abbreviation = WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 W files for D 07/18/08
we will forget more and more about them, they will pop up occasionally to annoy us, but we will be less and less inclined to let them bother us, because we'll have better things to think about.
I hope so!!! Did you see my email I was going to send or do you think i shouldn't send it? He's still trying to say the OW had nothing to do with our marriage--well actually he started treating me like cr*p and I got more depressed--so I haven't really changed my mind about that...I don't think you can just walk away from and R and not work on your #s and just expect them to disappear. Karen
they will pop up occasionally to annoy us, but we will be less and less inclined to let them bother us, because we'll have better things to think about.
I would just delete his e-mail - no response
M45 W41 M10.75 years D9, D7, D7, S6 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me New Abbreviation = WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 W files for D 07/18/08
Karen: He's still trying to say the OW had nothing to do with our marriage--well actually he started treating me like cr*p and I got more depressed--so I haven't really changed my mind about that...I don't think you can just walk away from and R and not work on your #s and just expect them to disappear
You and I are different from our WAS, we have different values, those values are something no one can take away from us and will help us get through all this crap. Those values will help us move on and build a better life while our WAS fade into the past, I'm looking forward to my new life
I have so much to look forward to, I know you do too, some lucky guy is going to cross your path someday and wow, your going to be so happy, WAS will be a occasional pain in your side but you know the pain will go away far far away
M45 W41 M10.75 years D9, D7, D7, S6 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me New Abbreviation = WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 W files for D 07/18/08
I agree with Jeff. Ignore his email. YOu have better things to do. His spew is garbage, and he is reading from his "How to Justify An Affair and Divorce" book. You are such a wonderful lady. Just keep being you.
Ex took S16 to lunch yesterday to talk about nothing I guess. When they get back, he asks me, "Are you sick?" I said I have been since New Years. "Well you didn't tell me." I am thinking to myself...I am supposed to? You aren't very observant are you? He came and got the kids the day I came home sick and didn't even notice? WTH??
See Karen, they will stay in their own little world and we just move on to a point that it doesn't really matter. Why does he need to know that I am sick? I didn't need him to help with the kids. The boys helped with the girls. They may never get it.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I deleted the email on all your advice. I guess that's a 180 for me b/c I'm really bad about ignoring his emails. Esp. b/c he emails re: the kids, the heading for that one was S15, and then he starts with the kids & then kind of segues into the spew and I get sucked right in every time. I don't understand your H or mine either, I guess, Kat. i do think at some point i need to suggest that he could contact these people himself and get updates and not just rely on me to do that for him!!! Karen
but we will be less and less inclined to let them bother us, because we'll have better things to think about.
far far away