Thanks for chiming in. XW was addicted to 'crank' when she was in her middle teens. She went to a re-hab center and when she came out she tried to hook up with NA, but she couldn't connect with any of the people there, so she went to A-A. She attended A-A for 12 years, and about 5 years ago she came to me to tell me that she didn't think she was an alcoholic.
I told her I didn't think she was an alcoholic either, but I did believe that she was an addict and the booze would escalate until that wouldn't do the trick anymore and then she'd be right back where she was. Her mother believes she is an addict and wants her to go and get treatment. XW stands by her assertion that she can quit any 'recreational' drug any time she wants to quit. If I'm not mistaken, isn't that a stereotypical mantra for addicts, that they can quit any time they WANT?
Regardless, whether she is or is not, she makes horrible 'good friend' choices when she is using or boozing, and subsequently poor life choices. Again, my biggest concerns are (1) my children, (2) myself, (3) her, (4) the possibility of reconciling.
XW told me ages ago that the most manipulative people in the world are addicts. Perhaps she is an addict and I am too 'in love' or too stupid to see the obvious. With regard to myself, I do believe that SHE is my drug of choice and that I would be best served dealing with my co-dependency issue my church's Celebrate Recovery program. I've gotta save me from my own craziness so I can care for my children and myself.
Lastly, in her mind, she has done so much self-work and counseling that she doesn't really see the need for more. Denial is such a powerful thing. Perhaps it's me who's in denial about who she is and where she is. I don't know. But I do know that I have to initiate the changes in my life. Wish me well.
Tom
Letting Go Tom; JUST DO IT! previously hopeful_husband
my A: Fall 05 W found out: Feb 06; separated immediately W pursued D, final 7/11/07
