WAW - Possible MLC I need help, WAWs advice IV

[25yearsmlc]

Yeah the blame game sucks.

My h's R's with our d19 is much worse than I realized, as I said. ONly he can help work on it. But I think if anyone other than God himself stood in front of h and said, "hey, your 'dream job' and the stubborn refusal to listen to others, cleaned out the savings, cost you 3 years away from d19 (from her mid sophomore year of HS on) and that R still suffers and may not ever be great, thanks to this, and your R with your other children is mediocre, but at least with d11 is salvageable, your M needs lots of attending and you cannot be angry at your w since she waited and waited for you, not to be controlled or criticized by you when you finally do 'show up" and what have you LEARNED from all this????"""""
That family is what's important and you had your focus on the wrong sources of emotional nourishment???


I really worry that it'd be so much for h, and his self image -he is a well educated, physician who is used to people admiring him -- SO, I worry that he'd prefer to blame me or the kids for being "ungrateful for all his hard work..." and how he puts himself "last" because he doesn't spend much money on himself (not counting the costs of funding his Alaskan adventure which will always exceed whatever I could possibly spend shopping...).

So even with a smart guy, I worry that the lesson, even one so obvious to others, is just too hard. That we are all flawed and capable of doing rotten things, to some extent. That sometimes we really miss the mark and target and have to refocus entirely. That we have amends to make. It's just too much for some people.

(sigh) H called to say he's coming home this weekend. Seems H wants me to applaud this. Why am I having such a hard time doing that? Why do I want to say, instead, "sorry h, am I supposed to be grateful that you're 'visiting' us again? Oh, thanks so much" I said something snide like, " I don't get your behavior. If we matter, be here. I'm on my last lap here...." H does not like words like that and says so. Damn, I have a bad attitude right now and he lacks insight, so we are gonna be stuck unless I do something different, again....I realize. I will work on it. Sorry for the hijack. But the "blame others!", even in the face of obvious evidence that the WAS created the mess almost entirely alone....amazes...
j-