Anger = Healing?

[Livin4ME]

Do you know when you've started to forgive? I've been praying for help with forgiving stbx. I know I need it in order to move on. I know in order for me to have any chance at future R's, I have to forgive him and get this ugly anger out of me.
I believe I'm starting to do that. S3 was talking to him this afternoon and he passed the phone to me, saying he wanted to talk to me. We talked about S3's dentist appt earlier. I owe the dentist money, so I asked him the payment schedule and told him I would be taking them a check Thursday when I go back. That opened up quite a bit of conversation. Started rather cold.
He of course told me that everything is on me because I can't get passed this. I told him that I'm working on it. That's why I can't talk to him without saying something mean and hurtful to him. His response of course was, "you can't say anything hurtful to me, I'm over it." But that's why I don't talk to him. I don't want to cause any more issues because of something I may say. So I don't say anything. And once I get my issues worked out, then I can start a coparenting relationship with him. He of course wanted to know my issues and so on and so forth. Really wanted way too much information for someone being over it. I answered everything honestly, but didn't tell him absolutely everything, because I feel that I don't owe him details. This is MY healing process. Our tones changed by the end of the conversation. We weren't yelling, screaming and cussing like we usually do. In fact, we didn't do that at all this time. He had another call and asked if we could finish this later. I said ok.
But I really think I needed to have that conversation with him to REALLY start my process of forgiveness. I've been playing it in my head for a while now, wondering how it was going to go. Ya know when you're so mad at someone and you can't say anything to them, so you just attack them in your head?! lol I didn't attack him like I had in my head so many times. I didn't point fingers, well, too many anyways! lol Nothing was really even accomplished in the whole conversation, we didn't agree or disagree on anything for the kids or anything like that.
But I feel a certain degree of peace after this afternoon. Its weird really. I can't describe it. It's just there.
And I think I've finally accepted that it's over between us. I wish him well, altho, karma's a b*tch! I know more feelings are going to arise out of this and I know I'll have to deal with them. And I'm not saying I'm completely over it. But I think I have FINALLY started healing. And I feel better about it.