Finding neutral

[GFI]

hi there Lan and Ali - many thanks for dropping by...

Well, its hard to say for sure - but I think more friendly and open - she's phoned me a couple of times for nothing and its Christmas Day since we last had cross words - and some/ much of that could well have been caused by the stress and emotion of the day - you see it was also H's birthday as well and that means Christmas is a double whammy for us.

Haven't really made much progress on the meeting up front - I would love to get out and do something outdoorsy with her and round the day off with a meal. but childcare is the big block to this and I don't really want to pursue this as i don't want her to think I'm pursuing hard. I am still choosing to be friendly, but recognise its easy to get taken advantage of when adopting that position.

But my feelings for my W remain strong - I love her very very much - it is so difficult and frustrating not having opportunities to let her know that.

I find the existence of OM difficult to deal with though - W does not seem to compute that many of the things OM is able to offer her is simply because he isn't the father of her child - not because he's mr wonderful. of course he's able to go out biking, running off for weekends etc, with her because he doesn't have childcare and responsibilities to deal with. I fully accept i was more than deficient in that department, I did much to contribute to the breakdown, in all likelihood had a mid life crisis just before and after H was born, and made worse by the death of my mum - that made me the original walk-away - a covert walk away if you like. But what gets to me like so many others - is that second chances seem to be so hard to get.

So anyhow, this week I have climbing and badminton sorted out - what with that and 2 overnighters with H - I should be pretty well tied up.

KBO - GFI