Oh dear, struggling again. No word from him, despite not expecting any, its upsetting me more than I thought it would! I had to admit to myself today, I am feeling a bit depressed again.
Maybe I spoke too soon when I named this thread, he is "confused now". He said that a the beginning of December, so 5-6 weeks ago and the only contact we have had since then, is his phonecall and present, 3 weeks ago. So, how do I deal with the disappointment of even less contaact since hearing that news??
Either the friend was mistaken, or placed too much importance on what he said, or he did mean it at the time, but changed his mind over Christmas/New Year with her, or he did mean it and still does, but remains confused/, so doesnt want to contact me, or give me false hope.. or he is confused and doesnt know what to do and is for some reason, unable to be in contact with me. Maybe he is very low again. Maybe he cant because, its awkward for him "now", it puts him in an awkward position, as he said, because of her? Perhaps he is more concerned with rocking the boat in his new R, than risking losing contact with me.
I had some tears today, which is maddening. 14 months after he moved out, I still cry over him occasionally. Why am I not over him yet??? Why do I actually miss him more now than ever?? Grr.
Its extrodinary, how much someone can hurt you. I guess I am struggling with having such little contact with him now and it hurts that he has imposed that, which must mean he is ok with it. How do I snap out of this sort of self defeating thinking!?? No idea.
