But now that I've had the affair, he is able to justify his drinking with "Well, you're the one that had the affair, so you are the one with the problems and now I see my drinking was never the problem. You were." Of course that is not verbatim and it was certainly not as vicious as that sounds. But it wasn't far from it and keep in mind that he was hurt and angry when he said it.
It's quite understandable he would say this. As you know everyone feels compelled to reach for justifications for behaivor. Perfectly normal...
Best thing to do is quickly change the subject. No relationship talk. Just stay calm and agree (even if he's wrong!), or say "I understand what you are saying." If he still wants a D he will want to fight with you. Don't give him the satisfaction.
Don't file any D paperwork unless you are 100% certain you want it. You can "agree" verbally if he asks about it, but just be too busy to do anything. If he wants the D let him be the one to do everything.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
