Originally Posted By: Snow White
The problem is it took me a long time - forever it seems to decide that this R was over. I am so afraid of being sucked back in.


Feels like that statement right there was just calling my name....

Hi, Snow. ;\) I am glad to see you opening up and looking for the support you need. It can be really hard trying to get through it all on your own.

So how does one avoid being sucked back in? Good question. It's happened with me a number of times, and what I have learned from the past few years is this - you must stand up for what you need, want, and deserve. There is no other way, especially with sitches that involve any type of abuse such as yours, mine, and many others here. Settling for anything less will not help you because once your H feels he doesn't have to really try all that hard, he just won't. So what does that tell you about his sincerity to change and make it right with you?

And more often than not, Snow, you have to be VERY firm. Solid as a rock, never wavering. Don't let him make you feel powerless because you are not. You have it all within yourself, and you would be letting him know what doesn't fly with you anymore. He needs to learn, and I like to think of it as giving lessons with tough love.

Anyhow, if it is truly as you say, that you don't want him back, then be upfront with him. If he acts like he doesn't understand, then I would explain to him what has led you to this decision. The emotional, verbal, and physical abuse, how he has hurt you repeatedly with lies and all else, and it is because of all that...not just the infidelity....that you do not trust him. He has given you absolutely no reason to. Words alone are not enough, and a little kind gesture here and there isn't enough either. Consistency is a must.

Mistakes/slip-ups WILL happen though...but it is how he REACTS during those times that will be the key.

(((((Take care, lady)))))

Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell