Hey Rob, Got to say that female attention you're getting left me a bit jealous...have to admit that I look forward to experiencing that again (and feeling more available to the attention).
When I read you summary of of the in-laws I thought I was reading about my own W...the similarities just don't end, do they? It's when I think of her family and how the facilitate that I find myself thinking she hardly has a chance...especially since I think they know that her getting healthy would mean a lot of skeletons would have to be pulled from the family closet...
In many ways, that you have the chance to raise your daughter away from your XW's toxic family is a good thing...as it will offer her a constant kind of sanctuary from that destructive kind of space...with you she'll always have someone that does the work required to be a better man...
Rob, Well, your description of you XIL explained much of your XW's behavior. They sound like they make like everything is fine and never look too deep. If they wouldn't say anything to their daughter about bringing home an Om so soon, it explains why your XW did not at least try to work harder to save the M, at least because of her D. No matter what the inlaws think of you, you are the father of their grandchild, just remember that. One would think, they would be worried for their grandchild and at least tell your XW, to be absolutely sure he is "the one" before bringing him home. Do these people ever think of the effect on a little girl to see her Mom go from one man to another and her grandparents accept it? I am sure you will relationships with women , but will not involve D until you are sure. One day when your D is older she may run from her Mom to you. Your XW should be busy making D feel she is number one in her life. I happen to be friends with a young single Mother and she has dated for many years, She has now met a man , who is"the one". He is the first man her son has ever met.This seems to make more sense, especially with young children.
I've had a lot of things hit me since I last posted, so it has been difficult to get here to update. I'm also behind w/all of you, but I'll do my best to catch up this week.
As for me, school started again and I was dragging all week. The added pressure of reworking my lessons to be a better teacher helped stress me out, but the personal items were the biggest.
I made some calculation errors which resulted in my being overdrawn on my bank account w/out me catching it in time. So, the fees piled up and my small amount of money was eroded. The bank wasn't too sympathetic so I was stuck w/giving money to them. That is stressful.
Then someone tried to use my debit card to purchase $1500 of stuff from Nordstroms.com and Victoria's Secret.com. I got those reversed and filed the police report, but they were none the less very difficult issues.
Personally, the house is final and will be sold, but the buyer made sure to wait until the very last minute every opportunity she got to stretch everything out which led me to worry about finding an apartment to live and start moving my stuff. Well, I've got an apartment at last, but I've missed some time in trying to move items to it bit by bit, so now there is that headache of catching everything up.
So, I signed up for an apartment only to find out that I was rejected b/c of the incident w/my dogs this summer. That killed me too. The good news there is I was over-ridden by the corporate people and will be able to move in, but Saturday night and Sunday morning of not knowing was awful for me as well.
This is coupled by the fact I'll be out of town from the 17-23 in Washington,DC to see the Inauguration w/some students, so this week will be filled w/prepping for my substitutes, packing for my trip, signing into my apartment, and trying to get as much stuff over to the apartment before I'm at the airport at 5 am on the 17th! Yikes! A tough week indeed and some how I'll find a way to walk the dog daily and exercise for myself so I don't have a stroke.
To top it off there is the personal side. I did date the girl from New Years again and realize I just don't like her enough to want to see her on a regular basis. She likes me plenty, but it isn't mutual. That did get me thinking and I'm still not ready for a serious dating thing - or else I'm not blown away by my choices yet - so I'm not anxiously pursuing anything.
The sad thing is that deep down I still miss my XW. I know she's not all there and her being gone is a good thing for me. I realize that, but still, she was the one I was madly in love with and now she's gone, so it still hurts me deeply.
Yesterday was difficult as she and her BF came over to get things from the house and look things over before I start to move. Well, she was angry that I hadn't done everything so the "going through things" part would be easy on her. I'll probably have them over again as we'll join forces to do a garage sale on the Sunday after I get back.
While XW and BF were out buying boxes, D asked me "Daddy, who is your true love?" I told her it was her and she said, "No it isn't. It is mommy." I responded that mommy loved (BF) now and D said "But she still likes you and she's still your true love." I really didn't reply as I was trying not to cry.
My 5 1/2 year old daughter gets it and she is right. XW is my true love and I'm still hurting from this whole thing. I think the holidays combined w/the emotions of finally leaving this house have led to my current feelings, but I know they are real and I'm so looking forward to moving ahead w/my life.
I need a fresh start and all of this can't come soon enough.
Rob, a fresh start is what you need and you are getting there. New home, new people, your angel... You will be fine.
It sound like your week will be hectic. Wow!! I dont envy you. Try to have some fun in the middle of everything when you can. Dont date just to date. There has to be somekind of connection there...from both sides.
Good to see you! My my, you're a busy little beaver. So much to do, so little time.
How do you choose your perspective? Jetting off to see a ground breaking inauguration, the house selling, getting the apartment you wanted at the 11th hour all sound really positive and invigorating.
It's your choice and right to feel sorrow, stress, angst along with all the sunshine in your life. It took me quite a while to realize that my spouse was gone, gone, gone. It's his choice. It's my choice in how I live the rest of my life.
So your ex-wife still complains about how you do things. Guess what, not your problem. If you react to it, then you make it your problem. Not feeling the connection with your date? No problem. That's a normal thing, even when you're not coming off of a divorce. How much did not connecting bug you when you were single?
Have you ever listened to "The Last Lecture"? I finally did. One slide stuck out.. "Are you a Tigger or an Eyeore?" Most of my life I've been an Eyeore with a Tigger facade. Now.. I'm gonna be a Tigger. Screw the dark clouds!
I still feel such peace when my spouse and I talk even though it's about the end of the marriage. Weird, huh? I accept it.. though I have to remind myself he doesn't have my best interests at heart. Do I still love him? It's not a question I ask myself. It's like asking, "Hmm, I wonder if it hurts if I slam this sledge hammer on my hand, again."
A month ago, I got an unexpected tiny kiss on the lips that I pulled away from even though I instantly felt I could have kissed this man I'd just met all night long. I haven't heard from him which is peachy. But that one kiss has been a precious drop of water in my drought of attention. It's been wonderful.
I figure, thank goodness.. I have more time to come to terms with where I'm at, to feel at peace, to be 'me' without the constraints I put on myself to please my spouse. It's a beautiful thing.
There is so much in your last post (personal side) that i can relate to....not sure to the same extent....maybe i am a little further ahead in the process. It just hit me like a ton of bricks.
Moving ahead is sometimes more difficult than we anticipated...
You are one busy guy! I think that is a good thing. It helps to get your mind off your divorce. Just take it day by day. I hope you can let the gal you are not interested in down easy - tell her you made a mistake by starting to date too soon following your D. As Mike from Tennesee says..."date and discard".
When you have time, try to get out to the driving range. I took my kids last night and they had a lot of fun with D6's new pink clubs.
