See here is my problem. I do not want him back. I guess the reason I came on this morning is to find some sort of support for the fact that I feel very weak because I am lonely but in no way see a future for my M. I feel that I am being worn down by the fantasy of things that I wanted for so long, and because I am currently "alone" working on it seems like a good alternative.
The problem is it took me a long time - forever it seems to decide that this R was over. I am so afraid of being sucked back in. Maybe this is not the correct forum to be discussing how to avoid a relationship, but I guess that is what I am looking for.
If it matters, I understand completely. This is how I felt EXACTLY. I decided to give it a chance. We didnt have any history of abuse etc. There was no safety issue for me or my kids (he has been a great dad). We were "friends" a year later, comfortable with each other. I wanted to make sure this wasnt salvable, for my kids and my peace of mind. I still have no idea what the "autopsy" will say. Most of the times it feels "a little too late"... (and he is not living with us yet)
I cant give any advice on what to do. I just wanted to say, I understand. xxx K
