Hope everyone is coping well with DB, I know it can be difficult. I had a really interesting and fun weekend with my H but as you all probably know, DB can be so unsettling so I's hoping to get other DBers thoughts on this.
So I implemented Michele's technique and I back off starting last week, went dark with no calling/no texting and low and behold, H was the one calling. On Friday, I even went out with my girlfriend and I turned my phone off. On Saturday he came by the house to get mail, haven't been there since Nov. So he was totally on the pursuit. He was wearing my college tee shirt and made sure he took off his sweater so I could see. I was going to have some girlfriends over so I had cook, and H ate twice, complimented the food saying that how this is what he's been missing and how it tastes especially good (yes, games on his part, I know). Anyway, my friends flaked out on me because of the weather and H instead stayed over and spent the evening with me. As usual, he was affectionate, and one thing lead to another and we made love twice - I know I'm a sucker. I tried really hard to keep my cool and H was saying how much he missed me and how he will never stop loving me, etc. etc. Even the end of the night reminded me why I do love him (which by the way, I kinda kinda was the first to end the night)... so as he was about to leave, the carbon monoxide detector on our second floor went off strangely. So H was so worried he took care of it completely. Opened all the windows and doors but it wouldn't stop so he called 911 and since it was snowing he picked up the rugs knowing that the fire dept will come in and mess the place up which I just hate. When they came he completely dealt with the fire dept. And then when they left, he kept asking if I wanted to sleep at my mother's place b/c he doesn't want anything to happen to me. He even mopped the place out from the mess they made and he even shovelled the snow outside before he left. So it actually was a fabulous night. I kept my cool, although I did end up telling him that I love him, I tried really hard not to but in passion, you know what I mean. He even called after he left but I was on the phone with a friend so I cut him off and then I went to sleep.
Anyway, my concern now is that I do think my H is a total cake eater. He's still with OW of course, so I am uncertain about whether I even should be having relations with him. Although, I did see that Michele says that its not necessarily a bad thing to do. Then, I think, no I KNOW, my H believes that I will always be there waiting for him whenever he's ready to come back home. I'm now definitely trying to GAL and not show signs of being needy or desperate, but he thinks we will always love each other... but that shouldn't mean that he can do whatever he wants and I will be there waiting. We've been together for 14+ years.
So last week was clear signs that no pursuing/chasing and limited contact is working so I want to continue doing so- I think its time H pursues me. But I was thinking this morning that it's time to pull the rug from under H. He thinks of me as old faithful and I don't like that image. And with all honesty I think its actually the image I've created for him since I'm always faithful and loving to him even when he doesn't deserve it. Now to be honest I don't want to date anyone else, I tried and I'm just not interested in them, so I was thinking that I should just create a male friend. Let H think that I have someone else there that I'm getting to know and whose interested in me. This would be a definite 180 for me who is always working to make the relationship work. I will not give the image that my "friend" and I are intimate just getting to know each other and someone who's interested in me. I think its time H gets some competition. What are your thoughts? Is this too dangerous? Is this just playing games?
