Just need your support

[Snow White]

See here is my problem. I do not want him back. I guess the reason I came on this morning is to find some sort of support for the fact that I feel very weak because I am lonely but in no way see a future for my M. I feel that I am being worn down by the fantasy of things that I wanted for so long, and because I am currently "alone" working on it seems like a good alternative.

The problem is it took me a long time - forever it seems to decide that this R was over. I am so afraid of being sucked back in.

Maybe this is not the correct forum to be discussing how to avoid a relationship, but I guess that is what I am looking for.

Really - I do believe that my H wants the M that he sees that he has done things wrong, however, it has been a year, a year of lies, cheating, emotional and sometimes physical abuse. It has been a year of being degraded and of watching my daughter suffer through someone who just could care less. So then I think - does it matter that he knows now that it was wrong? Why would I want to put my life and my daughters back in the hands of someone who could hold them with such little regard, someone who is capable of these things.

But like I said, I also believe in love, and I want to be loved and have someone to care about me and am afraid of settling because I do not have that, and I do not have that because I hung on to this for so long.