Hi V and CS, I had a good time with my friends here - two very good friend whom I don't get to see very often. It was very busy - but now I'm finding that a lot of the emotions I had put on hold for a while are coming back pretty strong.
It was/is strange being surrounded by so many people that seem like they're out just enjoying themselves -though sometimes I just felt like this kind of "happiness" is just too unfulfilling at the end of the day - and it made me miss my W a lot...when I told one of my friends how I was feeling, he said that I probably miss more of the metaphor of my W - the companionship - and the chance to have someone there to talk with at the end of the day...not necessarily her - but just the memory and feeling of having someone else in my life...and I think he was very right - since it's that feeling of being alone that just swept through me so intensely last night - and which kind of has hold of me this morning.
I haven't spoken with my W for three days now. Yesterday when she called me back - she just did the usual thing of handing the phone to my baby and then hanging up when he was done...not much I can do about that, so I just let it be...sometimes I think that I should call back - but that just feels like it would go badly...
I suppose I'm feeling a bit fragile...but that's okay...it will pass and I'll feel more like myself soon. I'm also just so very tired...and being away from home for a week does exacerbate things.
