I guess we all get to this point at some time. It took me a total of 8 months. I've had the "conversation" with my W many times, but I've never stuck to my guns, which is a bad thing to do. One bit of advice, if you're going to make this decision just be sure you are able to follow through with it. My W moved out and then moved back in out of financial necessity and is getting ready to move back out again. So far she hasn't committed to anything with me, and just like you we do a lot of things as a family, but nothing as a couple, and it just feels like all we will end up as is friends, which is not what I want. I realize it has to start there, but when does it progress from there? For me, I feel like there should at least be a committment to seeing this thing through. I won't live in what feels like an "open" relationship if you know what I mean. I just wrote my W a letter and I am telling her that I don't think she should move out, that I am committed to her, that I know this will take time and a mutual committment, and that I want that in return. We'll see how that goes. I put it in a letter b/c I think a conversation will be too emotional and could even turn into an argument. Have you considered writing to your H? Don't be very loving or emotional (in fact in my letter I never mention love), but I think you do have the right to be direct in a gentle way and clearly spell out what it is that you want. I feel your pain, I really do. It is the most hurtful thing we can go through to hear the one person you love with all your heart tell you that those feelings are not returned. Think this thing through and stick to your guns once you've had the talk. Good luck. WP
