Does sex help or hurt during an affair?

[pearlharbr]

I'm posting in Newcomers, but thought this question would be best answered on this forum.

Quick recap: BF of 8+ years tells me he's not happy. Two main problems are incompatible sex drives and lack of common interests. About a month after first bomb I confirm my suspicion that he's having (at least) EA.

Here's what I'm struggling with at the moment. I am/was a LDS and always put him off. We had sex about once a week, but sometimes went longer without, no more than 3-4 weeks. Once he dropped the first bomb I did everything I could to fix this situation. I got SSM, went to the doctor, went off BC pills. Now I feel my testosterone levels rising; I have had sex on the brain for the past few days.

Here's the dilemma: do I put sex on the table because doing so would be a 180 or do I just keep going status quo because he's still actively involved with OW? I think we could reconnect on some level through sex. And I really want it for the first time in years. But is that letting him cake-eat on a much higher level? I have stated in the past that I don't believe in sharing, but that's exactly what I would be doing. BTW, he still says A is only EA, but I know I shouldn't believe anything he says.

I also know that if I put sex on the table he may use the opportunity to say no as retribution for all the years I shut him down. But if I want him to see all that he will be giving up if we split he has to know that sex is part of that package. I know he was still attracted to me when all this started, he said it hurt to want me so badly and know that I wasn't interested in sex. But now that OW is in the picture I don't know how he feels about me.

Any input is much appreciated.