may be his "one true love"?

[AliSuddenly]

Hey .. I really identify with this train of thought...

"I guess I'm going dark. Is this the right thing to do? It feels easier in many ways for me, but doesn't this break our connection completely? I don't know status of ow, but another person told me that she saw h and he isn't happy."

I wonder the exact same thing and I dont know and I wish someone had the answers or would tell me what to do! Its horrible to think.. what if I DID speak up more? get in touch more? try more? etc etc... in my own experience, I was a WAS but still loved an ex, many years ago, but I left it.. was too afraid to go back as I didnt wwant to be hurt again and didnt see that he had really changed.. but he tried.. I never told him I was having doubts. Eventually, he met and M someone else, and I always regretted not speaking up. But if he had tried harder to come to me, speak to me, show me he had changed.. MAYBE, I'd have had the courage to jump back into the R with him, but he never gave me that encouragement.

Now of course, I am glad I didnt 'end up' with him, so I dont lose sleep over it. But, makes me wonder what difference it COULD have made if he had tried to reach out to me more.

My ex is also with an OW, who his friends say he is not happy with.. at the time of the above example, I was also going out with an unsuitable OM who was no patch on my ex.. but I still was in the mindset that I MIGHT go back to him.. I was well aware my feelings for the OM werent what I felt for my ex.

As Jody DB coach said to me.. Helen (ow) is not your enemy, his guilt and shame are. I felt bad about leaving that old ex, it took me a long time to extricate myself and so going back was a big decision...it wasnt about the new OM, it was about how I felt about my ex that stopped me. I really needed time on my own, away from the R, which I got, but 18 months on I still missed him, but I needed to see either that he had changed, or to trust that the changes had stuck. He moved on though, and M, so that never happened.

In my case and yours.. I guess they need to pull away, observe and have time to REFLECT before they would consider coming back to the R.. but in the meantime, we have to accept the reasons that they may have left (I have done alot of self analysis on that, as he never gave me reasons) and try and rectify any issues preventing them from returning and get yourself stroing and confident.. so that if he DOES get in touch, you are ready for him.

Um.. major waffling here, but does that make sense? I dont know, like you, if I should try reaching out a bit more.. but my sense is, not to.. but allow them the time and space to be 'ready' and if they never are, well then, theres your answer?

Al xxx