Two WAS's- is it really meant to be or walk away?

[Loving_Life]

Do you mean pot or cigarettes? If you mean pot and you tell me he has said that it "helped him write music"...

Yes, you know it- both. Stbx needs to smoke pot often and yes he thinks it's good for everything, including his music. His big excuse (for why he will never quit or admit he's an addict) is that it helps his tendonitis pain and his bipolar disorder, which can be bad, and he's medicating. He's also started taking way too many pain pills recently, which I'm worried is a bad path for him to start on. Somehow he does stay away from alcohol, but he can be a dangerous binge drinker on occasion. A couple months ago he claimed he "was cutting down on everything" and he needed to do this for himself, not for me or anyone else. Since we're long distance, I'm not sure if he did or not- really.

tell me more about the "why's" of staying married. And(using your own words against you ) I bet there's a guy in your area that would LOVE to have a woman like you and who wouldn't be some self-centered pooh-head. If your H is too daft to know what he is about to lose, maybe he's too dumb for you anyway.

Yes, Thank you! I'm coming to terms with this right now (since my D is impending) I feel like it's sad that I have tried for so long and stbx is not responding to LRT. I haven't been perfect, but at this point what can a person do beyond the last resort? I feel like it's sad this is the second time we are S and that is maybe a wake up call.

No response to the pictures yet- not sure if he's seen them. He did log in to his page on the same day I posted them- so I think he is checking . He's got a myspace music page with like 2,000 friends, I'm listed as #300 on his friends list. And it was always this way. Nice, huh? If he does see the pics-it potentially looks like I have BF(lol!) really though it's just me and friends hugging/having fun(but if you didn't know that you might ponder...)

Part of me wants to ponder more about have I done everything possible yet to save my M? I have 2 months to D date- perhaps I could give it a last shot. Maybe it makes me feel better to know I have done or tried everything possible.

I do know I deserve better and I wonder if I should just totally give it up right now. Part of me thinks I could try a few more things until the D/March court date, but if nothing changes by then forget it. I don't know. Maybe my stbx is a hopeless case. I really need to keep letting out my thoughts and feelings here, though, that's helping me regardless! I think I kept it all in for a while, and now it's surfacing. So much to let out after 15 yrs of stbx being my 'family'. I had hopes and dreams about a forever M, that I think never had to do w. him. I think that since my expectations let me down, that is the source of my true disappointment. When I strip all of the M/romance/wedding thoughts away, stbx as a person is a damaged man w. problems that may not be good enough for me. What a sad reality check. Stbx does have good qualities, but if he was really the man for me, the man I hoped he was, and there is any chance... then he would realize it and come to me, right (with LRT)?