Hey, Man. I've been slammed w/the start of the 2nd semester, but I'm caught up w/you and you are doing well and what you are experiencing is normal. Let the emotions come and let yourself cry when you feel like crying.
I miss my XW sometimes too. I also think of being w/her again too as well, so don't let that be a bad thing b/c it isn't. Remember you will love her forever b/c she is the mother of your boy, so it is ok to care.
As for her tone changing toward you, I think it is b/c she can see your strength and she can feel you pulling away - and she doesn't like it. However, I would expect you to be in a bit of a boxing match w/her for a long time. There will be rounds when you will "win" easily, but there will also be the rounds where she'll come at you w/full force and fury.
Until she is consistent - on a long term basis - you can't look to do anything different on your end. Keep your focus on your improvement and count her baby steps, but don't get too far ahead in your progress.
She'll be at this for a while, so keep going so you can handle the time in between w/out much trouble. Keep in mind this is NOTHING about you, but about her and her issues. It is her journey to take and you've got to not only let her take her "trip" but to stay on your course while she's away - that is the toughest part. It really sucks, but it is a necessary evil.
I'm glad you are doing well, my friend. Hang in there and keep venting and leaning on us here for support as we'll do as much as we can to help.
...okay...so after a few days, I'm back...sort of...I'm still in Vegas, and I fly home tomorrow - and tonight I just feel really sad about my wife and our M. I miss her a lot tonight - as being around so many other people - and seeing all these people looking to hook up with someone, just made me think a lot about what I used to enjoy about my tine with my W.
I know there was a lot of rough stuff for us too - but right now I just find myself remembering most of the good stuff.
Rob - I've read and reread your post a few times - and that's why I figured it would be the best way to start this new thread. I these have been some baby steps that I've seen than I think they'll continue to come slowly...still, I think things have most likely gotten worse again in the past few days just because MIL has been staying with my W for the week - and every time my MIL has stayed with my W while I've been out of town things have gotten worse by the time I got back.
I haven't talked with my W much at all while I've been here. She just hands my baby boy the phone when I call to talk wit him and sometimes she doesn't even bother to call me back so I can say hi. A couple days ago she sent me an email asking me about having my S11 get together with the son of a friend of hers while he's in town...I didn't know what to make of it....so I just let her know that I would pass the idea on to my S11.
I had a strange moment today in that I ended up having my FIL ask me to join him for a cup of coffee (he has work at the CES show too). I did - and he went tell me about how great/happy his marriage is - and it was just so strange to hear because I knew it just wasn't true at all...it was kind of sad, really, because I think he genuinely wanted to help in some way - but he just can't and does not know how.
At one point he asked me if we were going to get a D - and I said I did not know - that it was not up to me - and that I did not want a D. I eventually told him, "I love (my wife). What I want most is for her to be happy. I wish that could include me, but if it doesn't that's fine. I understand that and accept it." I also made it clear to him that I see her as being on a journey that she has to take and that I am not angry with her at all. At one point he told me that when he asked her about our problems he responded by telling her they were exactly like the problems he and MIL have - and so they were no big deal - just normal - and he claimed to me that it made her feel better...one thing I know about him is that he does not know how to read people and how they feel - especially his kids.
I cried a bit tonight...just suddenly felt this overwhelming feeling of being alone so often - and going home tomorrow to an empty house. The feeling passed and I know I'll be able to maintain the PMA and keep working on positives once I get back home and can get back into the process of building toward the next stage of my life.
