Am I eternally hopeful or in denial....?

[Silent Chrleader]

Hey, Y'all! Thanks for the encouraging words over the last couple days. I am in my new place and just finish unpacking, and I am exhausted!!

H helped a lot with the move and got my computer and TV all set up as well as the big furniture. I think I backslid a little in that I was talking with him about how the party for his boss went and where they went and such. I was really just trying to make conversation, but he wasn't very forthcoming, so I thought later that maybe he saw that as pushing. I even kissed him on the cheek when he left and thanked him for his help. He didn't say that he minded or anything, but he was just "distant" with me (which is par for the course I guess).

Maybe I was pushing subconciously, but I didn't mean to. I just was nervous about the move, and excited too about feeling better, so being the big mouth I am, I just keep rattling on and don't think about it and second guess myself until later. Oh well, if he felt pressure, I guess that's water under the dam.

The good news is that H and S17 got along very well actually and H has said that he very much agrees with me that we feel S17 does suffer from depression, and H has said that he will do all he can to help with that, and so far, from what I've seen, he is living up to his promise.

This morning H also came over to finish up with the computer and TV. He went an bought a new video card and some other stuff to make the system run better and says he will get some more this week and be over to get it all fixed up nice for us.

I told H I owed him a dinner or something for helping me so much. He said "Don't worry, we'll figure something out." Not sure what he meant by that but we'll leave it at that.

I left all our wedding pictures and photo albums at the house. Not because I didn't want them, but because I thought it might not be a bad thing for H to see them there as he is fixing the place up and getting it ready to rent. I know he won't throw them away or anything without asking me.

Oh and Friday the guy that hit on me last week was on the bus and we had an actual conversation. He seems really very nice and I was honest with him that I was still standing for my marriage right now, and he was supporting and appreciative of that. I also told him that he really did something special for me by hitting on me last week, because over the past year, my self esteem has taken a lot of knocks and that he had given me a real gift that day that meant more to me than he would ever now. He just smiled at me and said "Well I think you're hot." I told him that I was only hot when it was above 90 degrees outside!" Anyway, we had a nice chat and I think I've made another "commuter buddy"

Thanks again everybody for caring and posting to me! Smartcookie, I'm not sure if you ever have posted to me before but I have read lots of your wonderful advice to others and taken it to heart myself, so the fact that you think I am doing well, is very heartening for me to hear.

Glam, BM, BG, Poet, Wifey, trapt, Puppy, Hope, Dawn, Treese, 25years, Snodderly, Yellowrose,.......and the endless list of my friends here, I am so very thankful for you all and the warmth and support you have all shown me throughout my sitch has truly been my lifeline. You are all amazing, warm, caring, compassionate, intelligent, giving people! Without people like you, the world would be a very dark place, I know! Thank you all for providing a beacon for me to find my way through this mess. Know that you are all in my heart!!

I know that sounds like I'm leaving or something, but I'm not going anywhere, except maybe back to bed! I am beat!!

I'll check your threads a little later to touch base. Hope you are all doing well! ((((((hugs))))))