So, last night was a bad night...for the first time in a long time, we fought on the phone. I am kinda having a realization, I think. A little hard to come to terms with, but I am beginning to realize that I don't think that we are ever going to reconcile...no, I wasn't trying to talk about reconciliation last night, but here's why I say that. She is in her parents' house, her family caters to everything for her...she hasn't said that, but I know her family well enough. Everything is provided for her. She has distanced herself from every friend that supports us getting back together, and embraces those that support what she wants...even through a couple of little things she said to me, I feel that her family supports that as well. I think the longer that she is in that environment down there, the easier it is for her to do, and the longer she is around those people, the more she feels that it is the right thing to do. Being her friend, getting along with her, not being resistant to her, doing everything right, and she still seems to move further and further in that direction.
Okay, the fight last night. The day before, we talked about the idea of her moving back up here...that way I am closer to the children, and can see them more than just twice a month...it has been a VERY trying experience for them...lots of behavorial issues, tears, changes to eating habits, etc. It has been very hard on the kids. That conversation ended solely because there was no way we could financially swing her being up here. Well, I came up with a couple of options to swing it. I wanted to address that with her. Then the truth came out. We spend half an hour on the phone, discussing it, and everytime I overcame a problem in the idea, she created another one. 1. She's tired of moving. 2. She doesn't trust me 3. She doesn't want to deal with all of the responsibility (ie, bill paying and all of that)...funny thing is...in regards to that she stated that she didn't WANT my help in that department....but right now she seems to have NO issues with me paying all of her credit cards, and the car note on the vehicle she is driving. I asked her if she was going to live with her parents the rest of her life (she went off on a tangent Friday at the meeting about never having been independent...and being that way now. She said that she has always lived under a man...she was living under her parent's roof when I met her, then under mine...but she's back under HIS roof again! She has never had a job in her life...nor does she have one now. She said that this isn't her fault, because SHE didn't do this to us...I then asked her if that meant our children should pay for the mistakes I made...she actually said YES! That was when I lost it...I just exploded....how could she say something so cruel in regards to my kids??? Where is the woman that I married? I am not going to do anything rash at the moment, but I have considered filing paperwork for force her to bring my kids back to this state, and I have considered when the legal seperation paperwork comes...refusing it because I want the custody part ammended...I don't know who this woman is right now, and it does scare me that my kids are down there in that environment.
