Is the answer blowing in the wind?

[Trixi]

Nik- I forgot a part of the Game Over/Feet to the Fire thing--you didn't actually misunderstand anything--just that I forgot a major component. Game Over occurred when he was will to let me walk away ("I guess I would lean towards breaking things off")
So, here is my explanation of the GO/FTTF with the entire thought:
"They are actually the same thing, to a degree. (I acknowledge I was not successful in carrying thru with the Game Over/Feet to the Fire plan.) The 'Feet to the Fire' is an extension of Game Over. I have to hold his feet to the fire if he comes back to me and makes overtures like he wants to be back together and make sure he actually brings something to the table for ME, instead of the old 'game' of living with the status quo of him cake eating."
He has done this waffly thing before (as you know) and he (thus far) has always come back and I don't actually make him do much of anything to get back in my good graces.

Ummm.... no, I don't think that's "right" at all and no way should you embrace it!! That is really, really sad in my opinion. I can't even imagine thinking that way. Unfortuanately, if that really IS how your H feels - you can't do anything about it.

You don't know how happy that makes me to read that. I was really starting to think that maybe I was weak or screwed up. H said to me "Well, sure it hurts to lose someone and makes me sad. But I'm not going to get all depressed about it. There's a lot of other people in the world."

Over on Kalni's thread, someone had said if God takes something away from you, it's because He has something better in store for you. Kalni's (and Ali's) question was essentially "does that mean my H gets a better W?" It touched a nerve with me because this is all getting back to the "It's for the 'best'", "Lots of other people..." mentality. I mean, I know I don't want to look towards the future and feel depressed, but sheesh. I HATE the idea of H hooking up with someone "better" than me. I guess that makes me selfish and I must not truly love him? I would especially hate it if he hooks up with someone "Better" and I end up single and alone..where was the "it's for the best" for me? KWIM? (I am just being brutally honest here. I am in a particularly bad frame of mind these last couple days.)

I don't quite know how to back away from the sitch right now. H needs me to drive him to see SS in rehab. (No, I am not going to tell him to find another way there and I think it's important to SS that he see his parents support him and are a united front.)
Now H has told me that he doesn't want to "confuse" things with sex; that he wants to first focus on stopping smoking(and the rest) before 'dealing' with our situation. I can't "fault" him for that-- "gee, H, you know how you want your head to be clear as you consider what to do? I've decided I don't want to be around in support of that." huh?

meh. I guess I'm getting the cart in front of the horse. He hasn't even quit smoking. RM is still firmly in that house...

But I have to say, I can't help feeling like he has used me to 'get over me' this past year and now he is working on making us "just friends" so that he can leave me once and for all and not feel bad about it.
God that sucks.