out of clever titles

[hoosiermama]

H has sent me a proposed visitation schedule for January and February. After making a big deal about wanting D on weekends, he hasn't indicated any weekend visits until February--and that's because he'll be out of town on business for much of the first and last week of the month. Nothing on her birthday or Valentine's day. Which is good for me! Actually D will be taking a healing touch class over the Valentine's day weekend; couldn't manage financially for both of us to do it, but at least she can be there. Probably I can be there too, to move massage tables and prep food and stuff, so she won't feel too awkward. But in the October class, she was absolutely comfortable being the only non-adult and was quite engaged and mature. What an amazing thing, and so timely.

I'm thinking of sending the letters to his parents and brother during the time he'll be gone in February. I don't know what their response will be, but I am certain that once he finds out he'll be furious with me. So maybe allowing them time to absorb it and perhaps respond to me before he can respond to them might be a good idea.

The bishop is at H's church this morning. How ironic. He had talked about bringing D with him, but then never contacted her, and last night emailed me that he'd have to be there 90 minutes early so she probably wouldn't want to go. Which was true. I know he'll be charming and tactful. But this is a very astute woman, and we've had a few chats (one was just a week before the bomb at a church event) so when it all comes down to it, she won't be manipulated. However, I really think he will end up not pursuing priesthood. If he and OW are longer term, she will demand too much of his time and her values will continue to impact his. If they split, I'm fairly sure it will trigger a crisis in him--it certainly did the first time when he gave up one dream for her. Once she is not around to trigger his hormones, he will be forced to come to terms with all that he has done. This will be a good thing--and I don't say that out of revenge at all. But I've known the man for more than 20 years (we were friends well before we were romantic) and I know just how much he can delude himself for immediate gratification and affirmation. I hope for his sake (because he does have a lot of potential) that he will ultimately be forced to deal with himself, with finding peace and fulfillment within rather than externally. Sure, there's a real possibility that he'll jump into another relationship right away. That's a pattern for him. But this is the only woman who's ever broken up with him, rather than vice versa, and I'm sure there was that whole element in play when he began pursuing him.

Yes, I know, I'm supposed to be focusing on me, on GAL. And I am. I'm just thinking out loud.

My own life is in a fallow period. Just being quiet, healing, can't really do much else right now. I'm finding that most GAL activities seem to involve money--and so they're not happening in the near future. I am seriously considering starting a small online business for crafts and jewelry; I already have a lot of supplies and wouldn't have to purchase much. And if I join etsy dot com, there's very little investment needed. It wouldn't be big bucks, but it also wouldn't be terribly time-consuming either. Yes, the small amount of child support is helpful, but I only got half a paycheck because of Christmas break at the same time I had a large, sad, unexpected vet bill and had to buy a new cell phone. I need a bit of a buffer, and hope this may be the way to do that.