he will listen. he knows something is up, im sure u will not have to say much. the less u say the better actually...
dont be nervous, he is in the same position that u are. i wish the ow in my situation was married, i wish i could get her in hot water with someone. the best i could do was contact her grandmother (who i found by accident when trying to locate her phone number!)...
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
I have a year's worth of stuff that I could tell this man. I have many many text messages and phone records that I can give to him.
I went out driving tonight to have some time to myself and it was nice. I am going to try the contact Sunday morning I think. I don't know how this man is going to react and I at least need to get him to keep things cool until I get D7 back on Sunday evening. That is my biggest worry.
I know H is going to be furious if he finds out I told him. I talked to D7 this evening and she did not say anything about OW meeting them at their eating place and she told me that H took her to the same place to eat.
So I am not sure yet of the truth to that. He could have coaxed her into telling me she was not there but D7 will tell me all about their weekend together when she comes home. She always does and I don't have to ask a thing. I would hope that H would not get her to lie to me as I don't do that with her to him.
Something else I meant to ask....to anyone who has told the OP's S.....what happened after confronting the OP? I see where people say they confronted the OP but they never elaborate on what happened in telling the OP.
let us know what happens today if u speak to the ow h. hope it goes well for you....
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
I drove out there at 6am and apparantely he leaves earlier than that because she was the only one home. I had wanted to get out there earlier but I overslept.
Since me and H had an argument last week, we did not speak at all at drop off of D7 on Friday. I talked to D7 several times over the weekend and if I was the one calling her, H would hand the phone to D7 and let her answer it.
Then on Sunday afternoon D7 called me wanting to come home early (which is kinda unusual for her) and so I asked to speak to H and he did get on the phone.
Found out that D7 wanted to come home because she knew her friend that lives next door was also coming home and she wanted time to play with her before bed. I talked to D7 and told her she needed to spend that time with her dad so she did.
Well, H started to conversate a bit wanting to know what all I had done over the weekend.
I did go to the bookstore on Saturday and hung out for a few hours and ended up meeting someone. We talked a bit and I was upfront with him about not wanting a R. Neither did he, just someone to talk to and maybe hang out with sometimes so we exchanged #'s.
So since H was inquiring about my weekend I could not help myself but to tell him that I had met someone in the bookstore. After that statement, he was all about conversating then!
He did pick at me a bit about it being "true love" and "fate" and all those things to which I replied "could be". I was not going to tell him that neither of us are looking for a R. Why should I?? Let him think on it a bit.:)
H ended up keeping me on the phone for about an hour. Then when I picked up D7 he was all talkative with me.
Today when I got off work I had to go by there to pick up some money but I was going to wait until I got D7. OH NO, he wanted me to come by there as soon as I got off work.
Well I did, and he was trying to be all over me!!?? He drives me nuts!!! OW had called while I was there and he told me it was her but he did not answer the phone. OW kept calling him back to back but he still did not answer.
He did have to run to the bank and while he was gone he called OW. He told me when he got back that he didn't even know why she bothered calling cause she really had nothing to say. He has said that a time or two now and I don't know if she is starting to wear on him or if he just wants me to think she is.
Why do they have to be so darn confusing?? H and I are preparing for a huge yard sale this weekend so I will be seeing him a lot this week after work. Is there anything specific I should be doing while I am around him during this week?
It makes me so unconfortable to be over there in the afternoons cause I know OW will call and it just makes my skin crawl everytime.
i think things sound good, he seems to be reaching out to you and being nice. go with it. dont question things, just be nice and keep things light. let the ow be the one to nag and call repeatedly.
too bad about ow h. i still say there must be a way to get him by phone.
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Things are good most of the time. Unless I get really frustrated and let loose on H about things. That doesn't happen often but it just gets so old having him wanting me sometimes and then sometimes not.
It seems to get his attention if he thinks there is OP in the picture where I am concerned and I know it bothers him to some extent but never enough for him to stop all this foolishness and want our M.
He continues to talk to OW pretty much all day. Off and on. He does tell me that he talks to her but even if he didn't tell me, I would know anyway.
I am not sure that OW nags. I wish I knew that. The only thing I do know is that if she calls and he does not answer, she will call until he does. You would think that would bother him but right now it doesn't seem to.
I know that when he came back from the bank, he told me that the first words out of her mouth when he answered to her was "Nice to see you are ok." He did not elaborate on whether that was said sarcastically since he was not answering his phone while he was around me.
I did not go to another carrier store to see if I could get OW H's phone number. It kinda bummed me out when I was refused before.
it is clear she can be annoying just by the fact that she calls repeatedly. no one likes that...
i think u should work on getting the ow h home number. did u reverse look up the fax number? it should pull up their address and their other number.
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Sounds like we can relate because my H is also a cake eater. You can see my sitch under infidelity. I'm trying my best to deal with this myself and to not allow him to cake eat but its so hard when you do want their company. H and I have separated now for 4 months and Ibelieve he lives with OW although he denies it. OW woman apparently had no place to stay and he found them a place and long story to go with all that. Anyway, now that I've refused to argue anymore with him, we've started back being friends and he has started back talking in "we" terms etc. So last week I went dark and he was the one on the pursuit. I think you should try it. I only contact him when he contacts me and sometimes I just let it ring out. The other day I went out with a girlfriend of mine and I even turned my phone off. Oh, H is calling me as I write this. Too funny. But I'm not goign to answer... we already spoke this morning, heheheh. Anyway, in the past I was going dark only when we argued or I was mad at H but after new year's I decided to stop pursuing him i.e. calling/texting and only talk when he calls and still keeping a distance when he calls. Also, I make sure I don't answer all of his phone calls. I think my H thinks I will always be there waiting, so I feel I need to some a 180 on him on that. Have you read Divorce Remedy... it is fabulous. I am now trying so hard to not make it the case that H can have me and OW and I would become the mistress, no way. But I do miss him and at the same time I don't want to push him too far away. So I'm a bit confused as well. But I know I want him to want me and he is showing signs. I realized this weekend that I need to pull the rug from under H and since I'm not interested in dating other guys, I think I will make up a friend. I don't want to tell H anything about the OM, I know he has to come over this weekend so I plan on buying myself some roses. I feel its time H has some competition. I think you also need to try something different too. Our H's know they have the emotional hold over us and they are using it. We love them but we have to try to break that belief that they have 100%. So, that's my goal at least. I don't like H thinking that I will always be there waiting for him to figure things out with OW. So I'm looking forward to this. H has never has to compete for me and I've read that men like to compete so I'm so excited to see what happens. I figure what do I have to lose, we're S anyway, right? Like DR said, try something new and see the results you get. Good luck.
I did do the reverse lookup on the fax # I had gotten a hold of. It just showed that it was a land line and the address (which I already knew) but there was no additional phone #. I had my sister try calling the carrier again yesterday and see if she could get any results possibly over the phone and she had the same results that I did. No luck:(
vickyd-It is extremely hard not letting them cake-eat. You just want to absorb every ounce of something positive that you can get from them. Although I do realize it is sucking the life out of me and is not fair to me yet I can't seem to let it drop completely.
I can back off and be just fine sometimes and then other times it is almost unbearable. I hate when H and I argue because I worry that he is not going to talk to me at all and that he will hate me but at the same time I am ok when we don't talk. I manage to somehow get through it and then here he will come around again. What a vicious cycle.
I have went without contacting him and it apparantely drives him nuts cause he will almost always contact me. It might take a day or two but that is how it seems to go. If I don't answer and he leaves a message he is always saying things (in a joking way) like "oh I have been kicked to the curb...so and so is more important than I...I see how it is." or something to that nature.
I have read DR and DB as well as SAA. I do the 180's as often and I can. They do work. I just can't bring myself to do the complete "dark" thing. Plus with D7 it makes going dark a lot harder as well. Just yesterday I had to call H to tell him about D7's report card. I always keep him up on things going on with her especially when it concerns her school work.
We were supposed to do the yard sale this weekend and then find out that it is going to freeze here.(of all times!) So we have to put that off which means I will not see him everyday this week now.
However, I managed to have today off work after thinking I would be working and H called this morning right after I found out I would be off. I told him I was off and he asked if I would stop off and pick up some breakfast and come by since we were both starving.
So I did and we sat for a bit watching a movie and eating. He was picking at me about the "new guy". I picked back a little about OW but it was all light and did not end in any kind of argument.
He would say the same things as before about it being "love" with this new guy and was picking about sweet loving things that we probably say to each other (which we don't) and I said "yea I bet you tell OW that she is the only one for you and how you love her clear down in the bottom of your soul..blah blah blah." and he came over to give me hug before I left and leaned into my ear and said "no, YOU are the only one for me and you are the one I love...blah blah blah."
But it was said in a joking kinda manner just as I had put it to him about OW. I don't take those things that he says to me like that to heart. I think he just blows smoke up my a$$.
