STEPPING out...

[cagzmom]

Pam- hmm lots to ponder from what you have written. Lots.

My x. Along with being self centered there was the other parts of him - the kind, warm, gentle guy..he still exsists within' x -and my hope is that someday he will break through. BUT for now he the other side of him is more alive.

My x too suffers with depression...deep depression (remember he attempted suicide). Have you ever watch this show called "Intervention". It is really for alcoholics and drug addicts..but the concept is the same and the co-dependant issues IDENTICAL. there are those who believe in the "problem child/father/husband", those who are done with them and there is always the one who continues to rescue them...steps in when they are down, helps fix problems that the addict created. What I have seen on that show is that the rescuer continually keeps the addict from facing what they have become and where they are in life. By trying to help them - all they do is hurt them...because teh addict isn't getting better.

That is how I feel about depression. I TOO have suffered with deep depression. I was on meds. I wanted to kill myself. I didn't want to get out of bed - and all of it. This was several years ago - xh came home from work and said "this is enough..you need to get help..." and I did. At the time the meds was all I did...and it did help. BUT WHEN DEPRESSION hit AGAIN (after the bomb) I CHOSE yes I CHOSE to stay in counseling. I CHOSE to face all of the pain and darkness inside of me..... YES I WAS DEPRESSED -deeply...but I chose to get help.

My x has gone to counseling to face this... but he always and i mean ALWAYS stops. After his suicide attempt he went 2 times. Since then (it was a year ago) he has maybe gone a handful of times. This past fall his mother offered to pay so he would go...yet he still didn't go!

I have had many friends commit suicide.. So yes I believe that depression is an illness. BUT I ALSO BELIEVE that if you need meds and also get counseling you can come through HEALTHY and HAPPY and FUNCTIONAL!

Sorry about that but my x has used depression so much it just gets me a little riled up.

My parents have been married for almost 50 years. No affairs (i know one almost started but mom quit her job to get aways). There was lots of garbage - lots of it..but they have made it. I have asked them about stuff..even about what you said about your x wanting to "take care" of you.

Pam - it is in mans nature to be "the man". The provider/protector. That is a good thing. It doesn't make you less or him more - it just is allowing him to be who God intended him to be. Shoot girl if you X (think about that) your X husband wants to give you help with shoveling LET him. How does it hurt you. Let me explain something Else..

When I lived in the midwest I was the one who shoveled, mowed did all that stuff. I moved 7 ton of rock in a wheel barrow by myself. I did tons of physical stuff by myself. Why? Cause x worked and I thought it was right....still think PARTNERSHIP is the right thing. However.......my x would DRIVE down the driveway and pack down the snow that I would have to shovel (see it didn't affect him he could get out). My x would sit and watch tv while I moved teh rock............ See? taht was a bit messed up. But I was like you "I can do this...its no big deal."

Well when I moved to NC it was different.. Men automatically open the door for you (Almost every where!) I was trying to move a filing cabinet at work and 2 guys said "hey we can get that for you.." I was going to carry this really heavy box of envelopes up these stairs... A guy came over and said "hey let me do that.." See it is NATURAL for a TRUE MAN to want to be RESPECTFUL. Does that make any sense?

I really think I need to go back and read your earlier post - cause I dont really understand/know what happened in your stitch. Wierd huh?

Dont get me wrong Pam. I DO want my x back. (talk wiht C about it all the time.) I just know that he doesn't want to come back. I know that he doesn't want to be married. ME? Yep love him. Want to be married.

again - it was a ramble day - sorry.