Okay, BA, here is my issue with AA. It believes that people are powerless over the alcohol. I don't believe that is so. This is my trouble with ALL addictions. I have thought about it until I am blue in the face (not just the last few days but for the last 2 1/2 years). I believe people make choices. I believe that they make the choice to drink. He made the choice every night for 7-10 years whether to have drink or not. Most nights he did. Some nights he did not. I feel like if the alcohol had the power, he would have drank every night. Three years ago, he quit cold turkey. By choice. And now, he is returning to it. Also by choice. I can choose whether I let it affect me or not. I can choose my attitude about it. I can choose my reactions to it. It does not have control over my feelings or reactions to it. Am I hurt? Yes. Because I choose to be. I can also choose not to give a $hit. I believe.
I will still try AA a few times, because I may gain a different perspective there, and come to change my mind. But like I said, I've thought about my beliefs about humans and our actions for awhile now and that is where I am. It is very hard for me to take what/how I view human nature and apply it to my own sorry situation. Insight...I feel I should have insight...I feel like I have none. It is extremely hard for me to climb out of this picture and look at it objectively.
Alright. Ya'll have a good day.
BA, don't hold anything back. Don't keep anything to the back cause you don't think I'm ready. I won't say I'm ready, but I'll say that I need to think about all the different angles and such together.
Thank you, girlie. I appreciate your friendship and your caring. Truly.
Mel
"Standing knee deep in a river and dying of thirst."
