Kalni, I was reading the book, TheJourney, by Billy Graham (what a wonderful book)around the time Bill and I were starting to get to know each other. It brought me so much peace at the time (sadly, it's been a while since I read it). But, that ONE phrase that Bill quoted really stuck out to me and it has become one of my favorite quotes.
I read the statement in the context that I had not been taken away from my exH, he had been taken away from me. For whatever reason, no matter how hard I had prayed for my marriage to be restored, it was not meant to be. No matter how hard I tried, it didn't work. I had to believe there was a reason. And, for me, there was. My marriage to my exH was not what a marriage should be. There was alcoholism, verbal abuse, as well as mental and emotional abuse. Not to mention...infidelity (secrets that had been kept from me for YEARS). And, there was even ridicule and taunting because I went to Church and was raising my children in Church (we are Christians). All of this from a man who had grown up in the Catholic Church and attended Catholic school for most of his childhood.
Did I deserve that kind of treatment? Did my children?
My exH is 100% fully responsible for the choices he made...that is something that God gave us....the ability to make choices. I believe with ALL my heart that God took me out of that marriage. He saved me (again)because he knew that my exH was killing me on the inside. God knew the woman I was and had the potential to be, but I was not able to be that woman, I was not able to do God's work while I was in that marriage.
God took my exH from me....no matter how badly I thought at the time I needed him, because HE had something FAR better in store for me...Bill and a marriage that is based on love, honesty, commitment, and faithfulness (everything that a marriage should have/be). As silly as all of this may sound to everyone else, I firmly believe that God brought Bill and I together. We have so much in common and we have plans to do God's work together (just as soon as we are able to live together). I am so excited about all the opportunities that lie ahead for us.
I would not be the woman I am now, if I was still in my first marriage. I am by NO means perfect, far from it, but I have learned so much about myself, my God, and what marriage should really be like! How awesome it is to have a spouse that loves me! To have a husband that LISTENS and talks things through w/ me, even if it means we may not see eye-to-eye. A husband that respects me, that does not curse me or yell at me. A husband that can function without a beer in his hand.
No one here knows this, but as a part of our wedding ceremony, Bill and I had a communion service, just the two of us. It was, for us, a way of committing our marriage to God because as I said earlier, we both know that God brought us together. HE gave us both something beautiful and something to be cherished....HE brought us our FAR better!
Now, understand...I AM NOT telling you all of this to encourage you either way. As I have told you before, I always hesitate to post because I have to post from my heart and I worry that I may come across as pro-divorce, which is NOT the case at all. I strongly believe in the sanctity of marriage and that it is and should be a commitment that is meant to last a lifetime. I believe with all my heart that a couple should do everything possible to save their marriage. But, I also believe that there are times when one spouse makes choices that tear down that marriage and hurts the other person so badly that God has to step in and save that person. Now, do I believe that God believes in divorce? No! I know that divorce is the last thing God wants for a marriage. But, I also believe that HE will allow only so much pain and abuse to one person. I shared all of this with you (sorry it was so long) to explain to you the quote Bill shared with you last night and the impact it had on MY life and how it helped ME...it helped me see that God had better plans for me...it helped me get myself up off the floor and set my eyes on the future.
Kalni, I hope I have not confused you more. Please know that more than anything, I want to help you because I can truly feel your pain (in so many ways).
