Time for me to change....scared as Hell! 2

[glamgirl]

TOH don't go down the negative path. You couldn't possibly know what your h is thinking as in not caring about you.

Just because he is not around, it doesn't mean he doesn't care. My h has said this many times in C. He told me not to make assumptions. I am telling you the same.

Sometimes they just need to be alone to sort through their life. It is their life and they need to do it their way, without you interfering or reminding them that they are NOT doing it right.

I think your h cares, it is just burried deep inside right now. Try to be at peace with your situation for now. You are doing a 180 and that takes time to see results. You won't see those results overnight.

As MWG said have faith and patience, they go hand in hand.

[itsy]

Dear TOH...Sorry to see you wee down this am... I too had the hardest time leting go but I did...I went dark complelety had too
and I missed the hell out of him..did for a long time,made excuses to call, but I never did, never other than D business when that took place..It made me miserable to never know where he was or what he was up to, yet we all go thru some periods of no contact and we go on... you will too but we all know the pain that you are going thru..it will beleive it or not get easier...you are doing well trying to focus on yourself and it is a big step...I think that we all tend focus on the what if's should haves, etc without just thinking of ourselves..and once you focus as you are doing which is great more and more baby steps become bigger and easier. Try not to focus on him I know it's hard but you will be better off...

I hope that the rest of the weekend is better...just thinking of you
ITSY

[theotherhalf]

I have been doing better. I've done all that you say. But it is getting worse instead of better?

H came this morning to push snow. He stayed outside. Went to the other place for awhile. I was in the basement working and came up, he was gone...

Never came in to say hi or give me a chance to say thank you.

One of the times I cant stop from falling. I feel so hurt. So rejected. Why does he hate me so? He says he doesn't. Why is he making this so hard? He says he's not. Evey fiber in my body screams that this is so very very wrong!

[theotherhalf]

no itsy, I'm a mess

Everyone says it's exuses, but damb it I'm so stuck and miserable. I honestly don't have anyone. What friends I have are M and I don't see them hardly ever. They never call. When I call them they are busy. My family is well my family, not who I want or need to be with. We are broke. I can't go out (probation) I can't drink, there is nothing to do around here unless you drink or your old, (small rural town) my heart is screaming that I'm losing my H for good. I feel so hopeless, helpless, and frustrated.

[theotherhalf]

I was doing good...all it took was to see him one time, from a distance, and for him to walk away, again...

[MidwesternGirl]

Can you make it a point to NOT see him?

Remember what Glam said, do not assume what he is thinking about you.

[theotherhalf]

actions speak way louder than words MWG...
If he did not hate me why is he staying away? If he did not hate me why did he leave? If he did not hate me how can he be so cruel? If he did not hate me why won't he give us a chance?

I was outside when he came. I went in. I was in the basement when he left. It was knowing, and he left without a word...

[theotherhalf]

I have had such a rough couple of days. The sadness really got me tonight. So...I decided to rearrange my bedroom. Today I had taken out all of H's stuff. I put it in the basement. I did take out one box to his truck while he was gone. It was a box of shells for his guns that I am not supposed to have in my house.

So rearranging my room helped for a little while. At least I'm not sobbing anymore. I don't know if I like the arrangement but it'll work for now.

[MidwesternGirl]

TOH:

Imagine yourself in your h's shoes, how would you feel if you cheated/are cheating on your husband? Could you face him or would you feel ashamed and so full of guilt that it would be much easier to escape by not seeing/talking to him? Would you be thinking, is he going to yell at me for doing what I did/am doing?

Remember not to make assumptions.

[silvagod]

TOH,

I know where you are coming from with the NC. It IS hard. I have fallen soft way too many times and called or emailed or txt my W. I have now taken a step to the 'far side' and decided to leave her alone. She is, in my eyes, in a big sorry mess with herself, but I can't help her, I'm too close.

I have only managed 2 days with NC but SHE has called me 1st every time so far. (It's only been 1 month since our false recovery)

In your H mind at the moment, you are probably thought of as the 'rock', the stability. That will make him nervous as h£ll. Think of an interview you may have had for a job. How did you feel about facing the interview board?. I was always very nervous and didn't know WHAT to expect. Most of the time it was OK. Your H doesn't know HOW you are going to react if and when he talks to you. Easier to stay away or just get the 'business' out of the way as quickly as possible.

You must continue to be that 'safe haven' for him. There will come a time when he needs you. As long as he isn't being spiteful or vindictive, there is a way forward.

I also understand where you are, I too live in a small rural village, all the people here are either drunks or almost dead. I went out last night, there were 4 people in the bar and 2 of them were too drunk to talk. It's SO hard when you are on your own. I imagine that my W is all happy and enjoying life where as I am stuck here being miserable. Truth is, she is hurting as much as me, just in a different way. Also, it's up to me whether I choose to be miserable or not, and right now, I choose to be happy, you should too

Take Care