Julie, Yes, indeed, snow stinks. I hate the stuff. And right now there is lots of it out there to hate. And to shovel. Ugh.
Speaking of, XH was here earlier. He offered to shovel the driveway for me, and I declined. I said I would take care of it. he said he didn't mind...I still said no. I said I could handle it myself. He very seriously told me, "I know you can handle it. That was one of our problems. I want to take care of you, and you would never let me. I need to be able to do that."
I have no idea what to do with that one. Actually, the thought of a man who needs to take care of a woman scares me a bit. I immediately thought of a guy friend who said (and sadly he wasn't joking), "I swear, I am always looking for the divorced moms that make under $20,000 a year..." Yep, he wanted to be the rescuer, too. And Julie, I just don't think that I want to put myself in the position of needing to be rescued! I have come too far to ever be dependent on anyone else again.
I did assure XH that I appreciated the things that he did, (he said he knew that I did), but told him that I knew he was very busy and I didn't like to add to that. He said he never agrees to do more than he can, and that he likes to be busy. So, I will have to think this over some more. Regardless, I will be shoveling the driveway in the morning.
Oh, and no, I wouldn't have ever referred to him as a master manipulator. I don't really think of him in that way. But, this is why I keep ending up shocked at the things he does! I am just dumb when it comes to him, I swear. I mean, for all I know, he is one of those guys seeing someone seriously and just stringing me along. I have seen it happen here (on the BB) so many times. There are situations that I think have a great chance of working out, and then eventually the whole thing falls apart and the H finds an OW, or worse yet, there was one in place the whole time.
I think that letting my guard down is getting to be a near impossibility. Do you find it to be the same for you? I am getting to the point that I don't know if I would trust anything "good" said to me. I wonder if I will forever be waiting for the other shoe to drop?
Really, though, my XH's problem mainly seems to center around depression. Problem is, I am getting tired of using it as an excuse for his behavior. At what point does someone get help? Our kids are just getting older- growing up without a dad around. But, I am not depressed, so I guess it is not my place to judge. I decide what I would do with my kids from a healthy place--- I can't compare his decisions since they come from a place of illness. It sounds in a way you have come to the same kind of conclusions. You see how your XH has always been selfish and will probably not be who it is you need. Good for you Julie--- so different from all of us who first come on this BB wanting nothing more than the marriage back--- we will make those puzzle pieces fit if it kills us! Thank goodness for us that it didn't work that way. We both had lots of growing to do- and though this isn't the way I wanted to go about it, well, I am thankful for the changes I have made. As you should be also.
You sure do have a great attitude. I am really impressed with you. Keep having those talks with yourself- they are doing wonders!
Have a great rest of the weekend!
P.S. I heard it was very warm down there today. Unfair!!!
