Out of curiousity--what if he DID want to reconcile? Would you move back? Would he move to where you live?
Oh wow, there is so much I could say. I feel like my emotional floodgates are opening up again recently and I need to meet more people here for support!!
If this ever came up, I think I would consider moving back, since we bought the house together there. I actually told stbx this in October when we were talking more. Stbx told me then he was NOT going to move here (which is too bad since this would be a better city for his music career, but somehow he won't admit that.) Stbx is a fairly controlling/macho person, things have to be on his terms or not at all. He's always had trouble sharing, compromising, etc. He hates being in limbo too, so everything in his life is a split second decision practically. Makes it hard to work with a person like this. He likes to make a decision and then close the door.
Lately it's hitting me that it's really unfortunate that his attitude is killing our M. I guess that's what happens in a lot of cases, but it's hard to come to terms with. I asked him in Oct why he would want to throw it away after 15 yrs(not great DB there) and he said he needed to 'walk away' not throw it away. He didn't regret our time together, but now he needs to be on his own. Stbx's best friends are anti-M, anti-R and sort of anti-women too(some of the gay guys). So he's surrounded by people who are 'supporting' him. Just great, right. They're all musicians who want that magical? life of being with the music, being free and only having to worry about themselves.
I'm torn between feeling all different emotions. I know this is normal, but what a ride it is some days. I feel it's unfortunate we are heading toward the D, but I also know that I have put in a lot trying to work things through. I've hung on for 15yrs with this guy who has wanted to break up 3 times now (this is the 3rd time). The first time he had an EA a year after we were married and I just cried and stayed with him, while he ignored me for about 6 months. The second time -5 yrs ago- after 7yrs married, we separated for 6 months and I did everything I could to move back in with him, and then I finally did. He invited me back as a 'roommate' and then we ended up piecing after that. This time, he's badgering me about the D progress and he wants the D to be done with like yesterday. I believe in M, my parents have been married 42 years. But, I also know I deserve someone who admits he loves me and wants to be with me-permanently. Looking back, it's kind of clear that *I* have been the one who keeps saving our M, not him..
It does feel better to be able to let emotions out here. I'm really thankful for DB and the boards here.
DBer since 2003 D - 3/24/09 GAL and DBing for myself
