This is exactly what I meant when I said that #2 (other world) is so important.
Are you two doing any marriage counseling at all? Have you discussed getting help for yourselves at all or is this just a do it yourself type of deal?
Absolutely no one deserves to constantly feel bad K, you certainly need something to make you feel like there is either progress being made or a way to find some peace for yourself.
Stagnation leads to loss of hope, loss of hope leads to the end, do what you feel you need to to end the stagnation K. You have choices and can change things up so that you feel that something is being done differently. Something needs to change for you, that is for sure.
